The Angel on Her Shoulder

Chapter Four

✧I'm unsure which pain is worse, the shock of what happened or the ache of what never will✧

Janet knocks on my door, even though its open. "Hey, hun. How are you feeling?" She asks as i scroll through all the texts that keep piling up. 

I sit up on my bed so Janet can sit beside me. Shrugging, i answer. "Been better," I say as i trace the outline inked onto my thigh permanently for the rest of my life. 

A baby monkey holding two balloons, one pink and the other blue. 

I still remember the day Roman was rubbing the healing ointment onto the tattoo and dad came home early and raging over the sight of his sons best friend being so handsy with his daughter, the underage daughter who had gotten a tattoo without legal consent to do so. 

Its part of the reason dad has banned Roy from coming anywhere near me, hes the one who gave it to me and its the most beautiful thing i have ever seen. 

"Do you know what tomorrow is?" My voice breaks as i refuse to lift my head. 

"Yes." Janet says softly, gently. "I'll call your school tomorrow, if you'd like." She offers. 

"I want to see him," I whisper. Strangled cries begin to escape my body, causing Janet to gently rest my head against her lap as my salty tears soak her pants. 

She plays with a strand of my hair as the room goes silent, no longer being filled by my cries.

"Your father doesn't know this but," Janet begins after several minutes. "When i was fifteen, i got pregnant." I shift my body so i can fully see her. 

"Really?" 

A sad smile plays across her lips. "Yes, i was pregnant with the chess clubs president's baby." 

A laugh slips past my lips before i can stop it. Janet grins. "Erik Manson." She says his name as if that part of her life was from a whole other time in the universe. 

"What happened?" I gently ask, curiosity sinking in. 

A deep breath leaves her body. "Erik and I were on our way to our first check up. It was in December up in Alaska, crazy ass weather. We were about thirty minutes away from the clinic when a semi hit us head on." 

Janets eyes gloss over and this time, i wrap my arms tightly around her torso. "I'll spare you the details, that night i lost the love of my life and our unborn child." Jannet sniffles and i feel as her hand comes up to her face, wiping away the wetness. 

"Rebekkah, the day you came rushing downstairs telling me how you were pregnant and something was wrong while your legs were being covered in blood, i saw my fifteen year old self again. You were scared, frantic and solemnly worried about your child you haven't met yet."