The sweetest January 26th has turned out to be a bittersweet one. Today is your birthday and here I keep wondering and wondering and wondering about why you, I keep searching for you in every face I come across, I keep searching for you in this nature, I keep looking for you, this tiny heart a little too hopeful, that it will find you soon. This me who is afraid of darkness yet became brave enough to stand in the dark, look at the night sky to the moon, admiring the pretty moon, wondering are you looking up at the same moon as well?
You said you will always be here, you said you won't leave me alone, then where on the earth are you now? I am here waiting and waiting and waiting for you. They say you won't come back to me again. They say the goddess of the ocean took you. Why would they say such things? You are the best human. You never did anything to offend anyone, offend the goddess of the ocean. Why would these people say such cruel things? I want to yell at them and prove them how wrong they are. I want to tell them that you will come back to me again. Am I an idiot to believe that someday I will open my eyes and find you staring at me, as your pretty eyes will look into my sleepy eyes, your lips will form into the prettiest smile, and your arms will pull me into the warmest hug, safest embrace, my most favorite place in this earth. In your arms. Am I crazy to wait for that day?
Here I am everyday looking at the door, waiting for you. You said you will come home early and have dinner with me. You said you will tell me the stories about your days in the ocean. You said you have a lot of funny, interesting stories to share with me. Then why are you not back yet? It's been years, why didn't your ship return to the shore? Why?
Every day I wonder if I can be born again, what will my next life be? I wonder about if past life existed, were we together in that life? I keep wondering and wondering about if humans have only one life or they have multiple lives. I wonder if we are the only living being in this universe. Do you think in this universe there are multiple worlds? Do you think we are together in those worlds too? Or we don't exist there? If the next life exists, if multiple universes, worlds exist, if I exist in those worlds, I hope that me, I hope another me is living with another you, happily in those worlds, with the another you. I hope we are happily together in every life. I really hope we will have a happy ending in this life, this world too.
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"YA! Moonbin!!!" I yelled at him across the road near our school. He looked back at me and sighed as I smiled broadly while waving at him.
"Wait for me! Ya ya yaaa!" I yelled at him again when he started walking forward while talking to his friends. 'This bitch' I cursed him underneath my breath and looked at the traffic signal. There was still some time left for passersby to cross the road. So I took a deep breath and ran to cross the road, still yelling at him to wait for me. Suddenly I heard a horn and a car passed in front of me, making me freeze on my spot. I heard another continuous horn and looked at the source and saw a car coming towards me. I looked at the traffic sign and it was already for the cars to start moving. I could feel fear crawling in me and making me unable to move yet I mastered my courage and moved forward to let the car pass behind me but before I could process anything something hit me so hard and I couldn't find the ground under my feet, I only saw a bus and I felt myself floating in the air next moment I was thrown onto the ground and dragged away by some force. I could feel a burning sensation on my skin as that force dragged me away, stretching my skin on the road, and I only could hear loud sirens. I needed to get up and leave this place but I couldn't move. I can't feel my body. I can't feel anything as if I was not in my body. I can only hear loud sirens in my ears, in my head.
By the corner of my eyes I saw him in front of the school gate, frozen at his spot, looking towards my direction. I saw him slowly dropping his bag and running towards me...... It felt good to see you finally run to me. I tried to smile as he knelt in front of me calling my name and crying.... No no no, why are you crying? You said you don't care about me, so why are you crying? I wanted to ask him but couldn't. He pulled me in his arms, his arms...his arms? Finally I am in his arms? I wanted and waited for this for so long. I heard him say "Yaa open your eyes! Yaa! You can't. You cannot leave me. Swear I will kill you if you die" I laughed at this, I wanted to ask him how he will kill me if I am dead? More than that I want to ask him why is he asking me not to leave? Am I dying? Is this why he is crying? Why? Why would he? He always asked me to leave him alone, stop bothering him. Then why? Am I actually dying? Like this? In his arms? His arms? Is this our ending? Is this a happy ending? Is that right? I wondered and melted more into his arms to get more warmth from him as my body could feel unbearable pain, my whole body was burning in unmeasurable pain. I am actually dying. I tried to look at him once again but couldn't he hold me as tightly as possible, afraid to lose me? And he kept screaming for help. God please take care of him. This is not the ending I wanted for us. Now as I am dying please look after him. I wondered again if dying in his arms is a happy ending or not as slowly I felt my body giving away, all the pain and weight fading away, and him screaming for help, calling my name, asking me to hold on even more loudly, helplessly. I wish I could, I wish I could stay with you forever. I tried to say but nothing came out of my mouth as I fell asleep in the warmest place, in his arms.
