Inside My Head

What does he think of

What does he think of
In his classes
In his dorm
In his bed
In his head
When I cross his mind
what does he think
When I'm there

I think
God. He's right there.
"Why you being all cute with me. STOP being all cute with me"
He speaks to his friend
I imagine myself
Instead
I swear everything he is
appeals to me
His lip quirk
His laugh
His giggle
His eyes
His skin
His freckles
His veins
His body
His hair

Then he leaves
Now he's gone
Just like that
But my mind will follow him.

How can I get over him when
He smiles and giggles at me.
Eyes crinkled, teeth bright.
He's clueless and
he'll stay that way
ADHD or autism
I don't care
I'd love him anyway
God, I could love him
With everything
So maybe that's why
I can't let go
Always the tiniest possibility
Unlikely, not impossible.

He left
He's likely gone to play volleyball
Or continue wandering
I'm not a thought in his head
Perhaps someone to ask
for homework help
for knowledge
Otherwise I am nothing
"I don't like her, but she's pretty."
He confided in a friend
When questioned
He doesn't like me
Not yes
but not no.

I found him
Playing volleyball
Before we chose sides
He nodded his head
"I don't want to go to that side will you go there?"
His asked me with his eyes
Does he know
I'll do anything for those eyes.

I am still terrified
He will be disgusted to know
that my eyes search for him
in every room
in every picture
my ears attune
to his voice
his footsteps
my hands aware
of his proximity
Will he be disgusted to think

My name

What does he think of?

And I'm afraid the answer
Is nothing.