The Silken Crown

CHAPTER 6

When she saw herself in the cracked old mirror, she couldn't help but despise herself. She can see through her soul every time she sees her reflection, the beauty she had from the surgery is nothing more than a mere mask. She despised herself for her decision, she despised herself for making a fool of herself in the town square, and she despised herself for accepting the offer in the first place. She was an unredeemable soul. It was the glimmer of hope in her heart for a change that turned her life upside down. She understood deep down that she desired change. She yearns for approval and love. But the same Longing is now drowning her. And forced her to descend into her own abyss.

She could feel the sharp metal beneath her hand. She carefully raised it parallel to her brow. She started carving her skin before she knew it. She stabbed and slashed from cheek to cheek. Her own blood ran between her fingertips. The metallic taste lingered on the tip of her tongue. She slashed after slashed after slashed until all that remained was her disfigured figure.

"How could you?" she sobbed. How could she let her desire for the luxury of beauty--which she knew was never for her path--destroy everything she had ever had? And now she's alone, wailing in the dim light of an old room. All by herself, without anybody to hold on to. She remembered her mother and Alejandro, who used to catch her whenever she fell. For the last time, she lifted her head, and what she saw was not just her broken soul, but the most horrifying and deformed visage anyone had ever seen.

She kept herself indoors. Weeks and weeks have passed and Ligaya only ate water and a little salt. She never wished to be alive. All she ever wanted was for the universe to take her back. Each night she would carve her skin more and more. Preventing any of them to ever heal. As for Alejandro, he was filled with guilt. Each day passed and all he could long for was Ligaya. She was the only one he ever wished to be with. He could feel the tears of Ligaya when she saw his betrayal in the town square. It lingered in his thoughts indefinitely. How could he have left someone he had loved for so long suffering alone in the dark? What kind of man abandons his love in the same way he abandoned Ligaya? He wept. He thought about how much she had suffered that led to the decision she made and how he made the situation worse. He knew he'll never come to understand why she chose that decision but he knew he had to try." It aches to realize what I did." He reflected to himself. But what was done was done. He needed to do something to make amends for the mistakes of the past. Pondering on things one cannot alter is pointless and makes one nothing but a mere fool.

He ran into the direction he knew, he asked those who came after Ligaya. He went from town to town but could not find her.

Ligaya sat inside for weeks, reflecting about her past with Alejandro. Every time she thought about Alejandro, she would pick a sampaguita and place it in a jar, promising herself that once it was filled, she would finally let go. But for once, she'd allow herself to remember him. She knew in her heart that she couldn't forget him, no matter how much she tried. So, she would let herself feel the anguish and continue to be the way she was until it was eventually time to stop.

She would often remember how they used to run around as a child, pranking the old people with a fake snake that they would put up at night under the poor lit area of the town. And how they used to play hide and seek under the moon. She also recalls being apprehensive and having butterflies in her stomach before their first kiss. And how they used to grasp one other's hands whenever they went shopping. And how they felt the first time they were alone together. Ligaya experienced it directly. It's as though she was back in the situation.

She felt Alejandro in her heart. The times when they stood up for one other, when Alejandro first protected her from Dolores. The look on his face whenever he looks at her. It was as if he was holding a fragile petal that he loved so dearly. How they used to fall asleep in the grass. She felt the warmth of the sun as it hits her face whenever they would roll around the grass and play with each other's hair. She remembered all of these. Each sampaguita she puts in the jar felt like tears in her eyes.

She too, would often think of her mother, she remembered how her mother held her when things went wrong. How her mother never left her side after learning she had plastic surgery. How she never questioned who she was and was only genuinely happy that she was alive. Ligaya found the most solace in her mother. She understood that no matter what happened, good or terrible, her mother was and would always be there for her. She would often wonder, if her mother was with her in the very moment, will she blame Ligaya for going to the town square only to get humiliated?

Each sampaguita felt like a knife to Ligaya's heart, but before she realized it, the jar was full. She tried to make some room in the jar, but no sampaguita could fit. So, she finally pulled herself up and decided it was time. She wouldn't think about it any longer. And that night, Ligaya ultimately gave in to the change.

When morning came, she finally went out of bed. She went to buy some bread from the market through the use of the piloncitos she was left with.

A neighbor saw her and recognized her through the news. She then approached Ligaya with a kind heart.

"Ligaya, my name is Maria, and it's nice to meet you," Maria said as she gently held Ligaya's arm.

Ligaya finally responded with a nod. It took a long pause for Ligaya to acknowledge the presence of the neighbor, but they eventually became friends. Maria would frequently sell the dolls that Ligaya had created. Maria would also purchase the food for Ligaya in order to avoid having to travel to the market herself. Maria was kind with Ligaya because she, too, had undergone surgery.

And as for Alejandro, he kept looking for Ligaya. He would travel from town to town, day and night, in search of Ligaya.