Deep Water | Neteyam

20.5

Lo'aks mind cleared. His body felt numb. He felt how the grip around his arm loosened. How his eyes twitched around. How he struggled to breathe. Was he pushing too hard on his chest? Or why was his heart beating slower, less powerfully? Was it really, though? Or did he just imagine that?

He couldn't feel the sharp rock beneath his knees, so why should he be able to feel the soft heartbeat of his brother?

He remembered how soft it was, from the rare times he actually hugged him. Pressed his head against his chest, because he was always taller than him. It was always soft, calm, and slow. But just a moment ago, just a minute ago, his heartbeat was hard, stressed, and fast.

His eyes twitched at the falling arm. His falling arm. He expected to hear it. To hear how the arm hit the rock. He didn't. He expected to hear him say 'Oww' like he did when grandmother cleaned his wounds. He didn't. He didn't say it, and he didn't hear it. 

Neteyam didn't say it, and Lo'ak didn't hear it. 

It was when he realized there was no slow bumping under his hands anymore. He didn't feel it. He only felt warm blood. 

His eyes twitched to his eyes. His eyes weren't twitching around.Lo'ak's eyes twitched to Neteyam's eyes. Neteyam's didn't twitch around. They didn't switch from person to person around him. 

He slowly took his hands off his chest. He looked at them. They were so red. Like they're covered in red. In blood.

Why are they covered in blood?

He realized. He realized it very slowly. There was no Neteyam. Neteyam's hand fell, because Neteyam wasn't able to grip something. Neteyam didn't say 'Oww' because Neteyam couldn't. Neteyam wasn't able to speak. 

Not anymore. Neteyam could have done these things once, but not anymore.

Neteyam eyes weren't twitching around anymore, because Neteyam couldn't control them anymore. Because Neteyam couldn't see anymore.

He didn't feel his heart anymore because it stopped beating.

The blood on his hand cooled down.

It hit him. 

Neteyam was dead. Neteyam, his big, older, stronger brother, was dead. Not breathing, not living. He was dead.

 Lo'ak looked around. Looking for help. Support. He looked at his mother. She looked like she was screaming. But was she? Lo'ak should be able to hear her if she would, shouldn't he?

His father looked numbed. He had never seen his father like this before. There was no disappointment, love, anger, sadness, no anything in his eyes.

Tsireya looked like she was crying. She looked at him. Tears filled her eyes. Why didn't he feel something when she looked at him? He always felt something. There always was some warmth in his stomach.

Spider. Spider sat in front of him. On the other side of Neteyam. Why was he here? Why did he save him?

Lo'ak wondered why his head was so silent. So empty. It was never empty. He always had to say something. To annoy Kiri, to make fun of Tuk, just a little bit, and to prove he was better than Neteyam. 

He looked down. Neteyam was dead.

There was no reason why he should say something. Why should he have to prove something?

Kiri wasn't here. Tuk wasn't here. And Neteyam was here, but not there. He was not present.

His body might be here, but that wasn't what a person was. There was no soul. No something.