The struggles we face

Part 5-PTSD Flashbacks

'So TK, why are you here today?' The therapist questioned.

'I don't know' he said, clearly annoyed

'Someone or something must of influenced you to come'

'I guess' he mumbled

—————

Apart from his AA meetings, TK has never been to therapy. With how many times he ended up in the hospital after a call had gone wrong, he probably should've but he always diverted the conversation when someone mentioned it. Usually, TK dealt with his trauma well. Maybe he got angry and exploded on the ones he loved most after a trauma but that's normal.....right? After he was shot he got his closure by seeing the kid who shot him and making sure he was doing alright. After he was held hostage the criminals were put in jail. After the hypothermia though there was no sense of closure. I mean what could he do, go back to the lake and express his sorrows? The only real closure for him was knowing the boy he saved was okay but the child was discharged before TK got to meet him. Once he returned home after that incident TK never seemed quite himself. Slight personality changes worried Carlos but TK had assured him it was all part of the recovery process. Then Carlos got kidnapped.

TK never told Carlos how he coped while he was missing. Carlos asked many times but he always said the same thing. I'm fine. Many people who say they're fine aren't really fine but what can you do? Forcing someone to actually say how they are feeling is bad on both parts. The person asking feels bad that they aren't getting a proper response. The person saying they're fine doesn't feel like they can express how they really feel to whoever is asking. TK had done that with a lot of his life. 'TK I just found you with a needle in your arm.' 'I'm fine.' 'TK you were just shot.' 'I'm fine.' 'TK when are you actually going to tell me how you are doing.' Carlos had said to him just a week before he started therapy. 'I'm fine' was TK's response. Carlos wanted to push the matter further, TK had been giving the same response for weeks. But as he knew, pushing TK to talk probably wasn't the best idea and would only end in someone being upset

—————

'Who suggested that you come here?' The therapist questioned further

'My husband, my dad and my mom probably would've suggested it'

'What happened to your mom?'

That's all it took. One question for all the memories to come flooding back. The great night they were going to have, awarding Nancy with her MVP trophy. The phone call. Not the phone call. The phone call that changed TK's life, for the worse. The day that followed. The plane no not the plane. Having to do a procedure while trying to fly back to the airport. Luckily they landed safely and TK had suggested Chinese food. Wait no not that. In 2017 when Gywn took him to rehab in California that what they ate before the flight

——

'No no no no no' TK said quietly as he felt his breathing rapidly increase. He was trapped somewhere in between his thoughts and his real life self and couldn't differentiate between the two. He didn't notice the therapist talking. He didn't notice her leaving the room to get Carlos who had been told to wait outside. He barely realised him kneeling down in front of him, trying to pull him back to the present.

——

Dim sum......he loved it there. He went for the first time when he was 6. There was a photo of him...that time in his life...no. His unwanted relapse. Sadie drugged him and Carlos with Oxy. He didn't want it. He was in recovery. He felt himself losing control of his body as the Oxy started to take affect and before he knew it he was faced down on the ground, no way to call for help. He had relapsed. Like in New York...

——

'No....Alex....i don't understand...please don't leave..no'

'Tyler my love it's Carlos your safe you're okay' Carlos said, holding TK's head in his hands, stroking his cheeks trying desperately to wake him up from his living nightmare. It had been around 10 minutes since Carlos had come in. TK hadn't responded to him once, nor looked at him or anywhere else in the room. He just focused on a spot on the carpet underneath him. The last spot his present self looked at before the flashbacks started. 

——

'I've been cheating on you, TK. With my Spin Cycle instructor Mitchell. I'm sorry'

'But I-'

'I'm really sorry I am'

TK had stormed out that night. Like he did on Carlos when he invited him over. He never meant to hurt Carlos that night. Everything seemed to good to be true and he couldn't handle it. It wasn't usually a Strand's first instinct to run...wait...that was what his dad said. At their wedding party for his and Carlos' family. That week was the worst and best week of their life. Carlos' dad being murdered on his doorstep that fateful night that same speech was given. But that Saturday. The most magical day of his life. The day he married his soulmate. Carlos Tomas Reyes. The love of his life

——

Carlos was crying. He was trying to keep it together but he felt like he was losing TK to the flashbacks he had been having for months. He felt guilty for not saying anything sooner, for believing TK that he was just processing the trauma. 

Suddenly, TK jolted upright. He instantly started sobbing along with Carlos. The memories were so painful they seemed to lock him in a loop of them with each traumatic experience linking to another. He just wanted to go home...he just wanted to be with Carlos.

A/N - Gonna make a part 2 to this cos I feel like there's a lot more to dive into here and I've got a lot more to write about. Thank you for the support so far.   

.