The struggles we face

Part 8-Relapse

TW - swearing, su*cidal thoughts

TK was having a rough day. Anyone could see that. The day started off great. He woke up next to his husband, he was on time to work, Paul made his famous pancakes. The first few calls were fine; a kid with a sprained ankle, a woman who burnt herself with a hair straightener, a teenager who fell off his bike and hit his head. But then the call came. The call that changed his day.

The call came in from a worried father who said that his 25 year old son had been locked in his room for over an hour along with some pills he had for a knee injury his wife had sustained. TK heard this and his mind went to his dark place. Owen noticed. He was going to hold TK back of the call, seeing how it would do him no good but he was too late as he was already in the ambulance and pulling out of the station. 

————

'Can you stop looking at me like that Nancy?' TK asked in his nicest voice, although it probably sounded more snappy than he hoped

'Dude, I'm just worried about you.' 

'Yeah well you shouldn't be, we don't even know what this is yet.'

'TK do I need to make you wait in the ambulance' Tommy asked seriously

'Nah Cap I'm good.'

'If at any point I feel you aren't handling yourself professionally I won't hesitate to bench you. Understood?'

'Yeah Cap' TK responded with a hint of anger.

They don't trust you

Your gonna act like a freak when you get there

Everyone's gonna know what your thinking

You're gonna let Carlos down

'TK let's go'

————

It was like it was that night. TK, represented by the young man, lying face down on the ground. Owen, represented by his father, screaming his son's name in agony. His team in New York, represented by Tommy and Nancy, rushing in to help. He felt frozen. He saw himself in the young man. Thoughts were going through his head a mile a minute. He couldn't think. 

You're such a bad paramedic

Why didn't you just stay a firefighter

YOU SHOULD'VE DIED ON THAT FLOOR

————

They couldn't save him. He died at 14:26. His father crying uncontrollably. Tommy covering the son's face with a blanket until the medical examiner arrived. Nancy trying to calm the father down. And then TK. He was just there. An observer. Not fully present in the situation. Swimming inbetween consciousness and unconsciousness. He didn't hear Tommy telling him it was time to go. He didn't feel the medical examiner brush past him to inspect the boy's body. It was just...nothing.

You gonna go and overdose now?

Your sobriety doesn't mean anything anyways