Ghosts And Roses

Chapter 2

"There's my baby doll!" Laughing loudly. "Uncie!" Jenny giggles. He picks her up by the waist twirling her. Like he has since the first time he met her when she was a toddler. "Put little mama down Seabass!" Her other uncle sounds annoyed. I stand back watching amused. "Fine. Only because my one true love is here." His eyes meet mine. "Hey there solider." Smirking at him. "Ma'am." Smirking right back. Standing in front of me looking down. "You look amazing." Blue eyes twinkle. "You always do. Sexy ass movie star." Hugging him tight. "Sexy ass Chef. How you doing baby?" Kissing the top of my head as he whispers. I sniffle I'm fine. "Peggy, I'm." Putting my finger to his lips. "Not Peggy anymore, Buck. Standing down solider. We got an hour. Maybe. Before I go to hit vodka martinis. Cry my eyes out." My face tells him everything. He nods sadly. "Lolly pop! Hug your boy!" Giving my soldier a look before I turn. His face sad. He knew somehow. I never told him but he knew. "There he is! My wingman!" Laughing loudly. Covering up all the pain. "On your left girl!" He cracks up. I feel my soul dying a little. For a decade plus that is all i have wanted. To be Peggy, have my Captain. My soldier. For fuck sakes Falcon's my bestie. I loved Cap for decades. The real life version of Peggy. Even Hayley called me Peggy for crying out loud. When the true endgame came to be, someone else got him. Here I am, now I'm fucking Sharon. Making me want to throw up. He loves her. And she's young enough to be my daughter. It's all bullshit. Biting my lip looking at Mack. Tears start to flow. I can't do this. "Shit." He whispers. "Ma. The restaurant called. You need to go. Some kind of emergency in the kitchen." My daughter. Best kid ever. "I'll drive you." Seb sighs. "My car is here." My voice soft. "Lola, you have management for a reason. Priscilla has it I'm sure." Chris sighs. "Uncle Chrissy Auntie's the one that called. Do you mind if me and Pumpkin spend the night? We've missed you and Dodger. Mama may be awhile. I don't want her to be driving back and forth alone at night in LA." Looking to her uncle. "That would be wonderful Jenny. I'd adore to get to know you better." His girlfriend takes her hand. "I may not be fun. I'm probably going to bed after I eat. I was so excited I didn't sleep much last night." Jenny laughs. Telling her to have fun while walking to the spare bedroom. Wishing all that time that someday we would share his. I've fallen asleep hundreds of times in his bed though. His arms wrapped around me. Every time I woke up in them I begged the heavens to please let him see me the way I did him. I did get one night where he was mine. One. In thirty years of adoring him. I held onto that tightly. A whole night of us wrapped in each other. His lips all over my body. Finding ecstasy when he was inside me. I thought for sure the next morning when we woke up naked, tangled in each other he would realize. I was wrong. He made a joke about us getting drunk. I only had one. Pain takes over me as I fill my suitcase. I know I deserve more than this. It still hurts beyond words. Every time I try to be happy this is what happens. For a bit I actually had someone. Someone I really cared for. That I was falling in love with. Who am I kidding? I did love him. For the first time I saw my life being with someone other than Chris. After Jenny's dad that is. I have no idea what happened with us. He ghosted me. I should have known better. It was too good to be true. A few months after Sebastian was showing interest as he had years ago. So I thought. Calling and texting a lot. Visiting us. Showing up at the place in New York when he knew I was there. Then that stopped. That's how it is for me. Love will never be in my cards.

Zipping up my bag I try to calm myself. Thoughts flowing. Trying not to cry. Have breakdown. I wasted so many years of my life. Supporting him. Loving him. Holding him up. For what? To be his "best girl" as a friend? As all men appear to see me. The constant buddy. I wish someone could explain why I work out two hours a day. Make myself look attractive. There's no point. Jenny sits on the bed. "Mem and I talk about this day. When this fantasy you have held onto fell apart. She knew it was coming. She said you knew it too. Uncle Chrissy's a great uncle. An unbelievable friend. But as a partner? He isn't what you need or deserve. You should have someone that adores every last thing about you. Sees how incredible you are." She takes my hand. "Mama, we're besties. Even if you have my crazy Auntie. You need to hear this from me. Uncle Chrissy loves you. No doubt in my mind. He's never been IN love with you though. He could've had the family he always wanted. Some one that would have loved him and given him their all. Hiss loss. But, you have to let it go. Find someone that makes your heart full." Standing up she hugs me tightly. "Auntie Pris knows you're coming. I told her everything. She has the roof top waiting. Cancelled all the reservations on it tonight. She said also a crap ton of vodka." Jenny called in the big guns. "Thank you baby. I pray you never have to feel like this." Hugging her tighter. "If I do I know you will have my six." Kissing my cheek. My shoulders slump. "Shoot. I'm sorry mama." Her eyes meet mine. I tell her it's fine. I had only told her about the man I was dating when he walked away. She was ecstatic. She adores him. She knew him since she was a baby. Chris and I talked the day before. Them being friends I felt it was only right. He said he was glad. That his friend was a good man. He would take good care of us. Looking confused and sad though. A bit angry. I'm positive it's because he has always been so protective of me. Especially knowing now that he never felt the way I did.