FADED SCARS | the walking dead

[ 08 ] flashbacks

[ season one , episode six ]

( TW: abuse, sexual assault, ptsd )

JJ was sitting next to Carol on the couch, freshly showed now and reading her book while also sneakily helping Sophia win the game of checkers she was playing against Carl. JJ thought the little girl could use some confidence building and if winning a game against her friend helped  then JJ thought there was little harm done. Except maybe to Carl's ego, but the young boy had enough of that to last him years of losing checkers.

"Any good books?" JJ looks up at the sound of a new voice and sees Lori enter the room looking a little tipsy.

"Enough to keep us busy for years." Carol says before closing her book and telling the kids it was time for bed. JJ places her book on the table and decides to get up as well seeing as she was actually really tired. She was excited to sleep in a real bed for the first time in a while.

"Baby, go say your prayers. I'm gonna browse a bit." Lori says to Carl, looking over the collection of books on the shelf. JJ holds her hand out to Carl who grabs it as they walk together.

"This is the first night we might actually get some real sleep. It's a miracle, isn't it?" JJ smiles and nods to Carol's words.

They walk down the hall until JJ realizes she left her book back in the rec room. She let's out a small curse. "Shit. I'll be right back. I forgot my book." She tells Carl who nods.

The teen turns around and quickly walks back to the room. As she approaches she hears loud muffled voices. "Listen. You love me."

JJ's eyes widen at the sound of Shane's voice and she turns around to leave, not wanting to eavesdrop on a clearly private conversation between Lori and Shane. But the next words force her feet still.

"Get your hands off me. Get your hands off me." Lori whispers, followed by what sounds like a smack against him. JJ wants to do something but finds herself frozen in place as her mind is flooded by memories.

Suddenly, the fifteen year old girl feels seven again, watching as her parents fight in front of her.

A small brunette girl stands in the doorway of the trashed living room, her clothes too big for her malnourished body. As the young girl takes a deep  breath in her nose is filled with the stench of alcohol.

"Get your hands off me, Joesph!" Her mother yelled at her father, trying to push him away. 

"What the fuck did you just say to me, woman! You think you can boss me around?" Her father spits in the woman's face, pushing her into the wall. JJ shrinks further at the sound of the yell, pulling her hands up to cover her ears. She looks down at her feet, where a broken bottle lies, counting the shards softly underneath her breath.

She feels a hand on her shoulder. A teen boy is looking down at her with a worried expression. Pulling her hands off her ears he speaks calmly. "Go to your room and lock the door. Don't come out unless I tell you to. Me. No one else."

The young girl nods, running to the hallway. She heads for her room like her brother told her to but pauses when she hears more intense yelling as another voice joins. 

"Get the hell off of her!" Her brother yells.

A thump sounds as a body hits the floor. The screaming stops momentarily. 

A drunk chuckle sounds as her father speaks."You think you're stronger than me now? Think you're the man of the house?"

Silence.

"Come on, tough guy. Prove it."  She hears the crinkle of  breaking glass, imagining the older man walking closer.

"Go to sleep, Dad." Her brother speaks, sounding strong but JJ can hear the fear in his voice.

"Pathetic. Both of you." Is the last thing she hears before the staggered footsteps start getting louder.

As her father's tall frame appears from the doorway, she snaps out of it. Turning and quietly scurrying to her room before he can see her. 

She opens the door to her room, before hearing a female voice yell. Not her mother's.

"Shane, get off." JJ finally pushes the door open.

"Lori?" JJ questions, making two heads turn to her. JJ avoids Shane's crazed eyes staring into her. It's quiet for a second before Shane storms towards the doorway JJ was standing in. She wishes she could run to her room and hide but that wasn't an option anymore. 

She smells the familiar scent of Alcohol as he gets in her face. "You spying on me?" Shane asks the teen girl, slurring his words heavily. JJ shys away from the angry man and quietly answers "I just forgot my book."

Shane looks like he's going to speak again until Lori cuts in, her voice shaking. "Go to bed, Shane." Shane pauses for a second before storming off down the hall.

JJ looks to Lori worriedly, taking a step towards her. "Are you okay?" When the woman doesn't answer so JJ speaks again, taking a step back towards the door. "Do you want me to get Rick?"

"No!" The woman says loudly before lowering her voice "No, it's okay. I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" JJ asks seeing the tears in the woman's eyes and the shake in her hands.

"Yes, hun. I'm fine. Just— please don't say anything to anybody about this, especially not Rick." Lori says stepping forward and holding placing her hand on the girls shoulder. "Promise me?"

JJ stays quiet for a minute, not knowing what to say. She didn't want to betray Lori by sharing something that the woman clearly didn't want anyone to know but she also wasn't stupid, she knew what Shane was trying to do.

"But he—" JJ starts only to be cut off by Lori. "He was drunk and hurt, he didn't mean to."

"That's not an excuse." JJ states strongly, shaking her head.

"I know, okay?" Lori states looking down. "But the others can't know about this. So promise me."

"You're sure that you're okay?" JJ asks once again and the woman nods. JJ takes a deep breath before hesitantly speaking.

"I promise."

"Thank you." Lori speaks, he voice still shaking. "Here's your book." The older woman grabs the forgotten book and passes it to JJ, who is still looking on with worry. 

JJ grabs the book and Lori continues speaking. "You should head off to bed now. It really is getting late."

JJ can tell the older woman is not okay but doesn't know what else to say so she nods turning to hurry to her room, where she would try to keep her promise to Lori and forget what she just witnessed.