When love lasts

CHAPTER 12

TAEHYUNG POV

Jungkook and I walk toward the university's football ground. the ground is on the back of the university.

to be honest the uni is so goddamn big, I'm exhausted and we're not even halfway to the football ground.

my small hand is still nested in Jungkook's as he leads the way. that's how it's been for the past two months. my tremors and anxiety don't take hold of me when Jungkook's around.

To get over the past, you have to first accept it and understand that it's something that has already happened and has no say in your life anymore. i can't do that, my past has been haunting me for the past 5 years. i cant erase it. i cant erase him.

No matter how many times i think about 'what ifs' or how many times i regret my every decision, my past cannot change, and i know that but i just can't forget. the only time i feel light is when jungkook is around me.

I still don't know what i feel about him, it's so obvious that I'm attracted to him, but that's all it is. attraction. and even if things did escalate into something more, i would never let jungkook see me past my barrier.

he is one of the very few people i got close to and did not regret, i will not jeopardize the friendship we have with my past.

Ever since jungkook moved into the dorm next to me, he's been taking full charge of showing me around the university and helping me with projects and the katari classes.

Im so glad that jungkook and I are friends but if i let him in, I'm so sure that he'll see through me in a second. I can't let him close to me, I can't let him see that side of me.

But jungkook using nicknames every time he talks to me is very seriously not helping.

It took me a while but i did talk to all of Jungkook's hyungs, it was a very short and simple 'hi and bye' kind of thing, but the feeling Jin Hyung gave me when i first saw him in the love and qualm club meeting never dissipated, in fact, its gotten more comfortable.

As Jin Hyung mentioned, he really is busy with taking care of his job applications to Incheon and with all his pre-therapist sessions for the students at the university. that's what he wants to become. a therapist. 

But we do have a love and qualm meeting for the first time tomorrow. 

I'm snapped back from my thoughts when i feel my body shudder. The small hairs on my neck rise and a sense of caution grips me. my hands turn clammy and i look around my surroundings.

no one. there is absolutely no one in the hallways. 

"you okay, butterfly?"

I snap my head back to Jungkook's. he's staring at me with so much concern, it breaks me.

I can't let him this close to me god dammit. I pull my hand away from his and nod. 

"Yeah"

That's what I've been doing, abruptly breaking away from his hold, and it seems like jungkook is okay with that. but that's not what i want. i want him to be tired of me and remain just friends.

Jungkook takes my hand back in his and starts walking again. As much as it pains to do, i yank my hand away again.

"We can't do this jungkook. we are just friends and we should act like it."

He turns around and the only thing i see in his eyes is nothing. his eyes turn so dark, i can barely recognize him. My whole body shudders at the way he's looking at me.

I feel cautious and so small all of a sudden. He's staring at me. Looking through me. His gaze travels from my eyes all the way to my toes, burning my skin as it goes.