When love lasts

CHAPTER 18

TAEHYUNG POV

I wake up each day, dragging myself out of bed and pushing my body to fucking work with a sense of dread that seems to permeate every fiber of my being.

University life is nothing but a monotonous routine of classes, assignments, and exams, a relentless cycle that I endure solely in the hope of a fresh start someday. Is that fresh start anywhere in sight? No.

Call me misanthropic but i always find myself despising the world and all its inhabitants as if I'm not one of them, questioning the point of human existence in this vast, indifferent universe.

It's a basic 21st-century ruling to say that the whole population follows the mundane cadence. The basic psychology of a human is to follow certain routines believing that the so-called routines would offer a positive change to their disgraceful life.

But that's the thing. It's not called a positive change when you limit yourself and voluntarily fall into this loop of repetition. Today, Tomorrow, The day after. 

Again

Again

And fucking again.

Am I any different from this snobbish way of life? No, absolutely not. My purpose of existence after escaping the clutches of a horrendous past was a belief in a new start. A new beginning. A new meaning to life. 

It's endlessly pathetic how humans cling to the concept of hope. Belief. Faith.

They believe in it so fervently, as if its some magical force that can change their lives. Yet, time and time again, hope proves to be nothing more than a cruel illusion, A false affirmation, a mirage in the desert of human existence.

Endlessly i fall into the same belief. Hoping and Wishing and waiting for that spark of silver lining to drag me out of the clutches of my monstrous thoughts.

I cannot trap myself in my head again. Not after the last time scarred me enough for my whole existence.

Yet, amidst the bleakness, there's a blue sky. A man whose presence in my life brings a flicker of light to my darkened soul. In his rare smiles, in his callus touch, I find moments of solace, fleeting but precious, that remind me there is still some beauty left in this world worth holding onto.

But like every other time, i refuse to let my darkness take hold of him. Take ahold of his innocent yet dark soul. Take ahold of that glimmer of hope from me. If i have to stay away from him to keep myself from spiraling back to old ways, then so be it.

One small problem though, My dick has other ideas.

My guy down there doesn't seem to understand the concept of emotions and refuses to stay celibate. Which is blasphemy because it's been months since I even touched my fucking cock.

Unlike the rest of the world, I find my sexuality to be a remarkably simple and straightforward aspect of my identity. while others seem to struggle with labels and societal examples, i have no one to impress or no one to cage myself for.

Granted, i never in my whole existence thought that i would be attracted to men, but my dick seems to jump to life only when Jeon fucking Jungkook is in sight.

Can i say no to my cock? No, unfortunately, i don't know how to control it. He's wild.

I'm in the library, like every other fucking day, trying to finish my god-forsaken assignments and ignore the incompetent little shits around me that happen to chatter louder and faster than a minx on crack.

Fucking students are on Viagra.

I feel edgy today. Figuratively of course. Most of it probably has to do with the texts Jungkook sent me this morning, okay a lot of it, goes along the lines of: