dum spiro, spero

chapter 5

Akutagawa didn't know how long he'd stood in the doorway, holding eye contact with the weretiger.

"Jinko."

Atsushi shifted slightly, turning to look at Akutagawa. The corners of his lips pulled into a sad smile.

"Hi."

He said quietly, his voice bordering on a whisper. If Akutagawa wasn't listening, he wouldn't have heard.

Akutagawa walked over to where Atsushi lay. He raised his hand and sharply struck Atsushi across the face.

"You complete fucking idiot! Why would you even do something like that?"

Akutagawa scolded, his volume raising as he spoke.
He wanted to be angry, he really did. He wanted to smash Atsushi's skull into the sidewalk. He wanted to leave him in this room and never see him again. He wanted to do anything if it didn't mean being worried for him.

"How are you?"

Atsushi murmured drowsily, nursing his cheek that was likely to bruise up. Akutagawa passed a heavy breath through his lips. Without rationality, he leaned down and wrapped his arms around Atsushi. After a few moments shock, Atsushi leaned into the touch and rested his head on Akutagawas chest. Small sniffles filled the previously quiet room, and Atsushi hastily wiped his eyes. Akutagawa edged closer and sat cautiously on the bed. He raised a hand to brush through Atsushi's hair, a silent coax into getting him to let all his emotions out. Atsushi got closer to Akutagawa and wrapped his arms around his torso, nuzzling into Akutagawas neck. It was all too much, and he finally let his feelings erupt and a few more tears fell down his cheeks. After a few came some more, and then even more. Very soon, Atsushi was shaking and breaking down in Akutagawas arms, a place he'd never expected to be so comforting. Akutagawa didn't falter his hold, not for a second. He let Atsushi cry to his hearts content, judgement not crossing his mind. He couldn't find the will to be disgusted, or judge him, or make a snarky comment.

"I live in danger. I see the light leave people's eyes every day. But please Atsushi, never make me have to see the light leave yours again."

Akutagawa mumbled against Atsushi's ear, a desperate tone in his voice. Atsushi nodded and huddled closer to Akutagawa.

"I'm sorry. So, so sorry."

Atsushi whispered, his voice shaky and his hands trembling.

"It's okay. Shh.."

"I- I don't know why I.. I wasn't happy Akutagawa. I'm always h-happy .. I didn't know what to do-"

Atsushi tried to explain what was going on in his head, but to no avail. He buried his head in Akutagawas neck again, his hair brushing against the skin.

"Shh.. shh.. you're okay. It's okay."

Akutagawa wasn't the most comforting of people, but he was also the only one that was here, holding him and not ridiculing him. He rubbed Atsushi's back, playing with his hair until the others crying faltered.

"Why'd you help me.?"

Atsushi murmured, running the risk of falling asleep in his comfortable spot in Akutagawa's arms. The question startled Akutagawa, causing his hand to stop running through Atsushi's hair for a moment as he registered what he was saying. He glanced over Atsushi's bandaged arms, small crimson dots soaking through already. He swallowed whatever he was feeling and replied simply.

"How are we supposed to be the new generation of double black if i didn't have my weird, oversized cat with me, hm?"

Small traces of a smile appeared on Atsushi's face. He stayed close to Akutagawa, his head resting nicely in the crook of Akutagawa's neck.

"'M a tiger.."

He mumbled, eyes drooping with tiredness. Akutagawa, the stoic man that he was, let the corners of his lips rise into a small, fond smile.

"Whatever you say."

Before either of them could think of a reply, Atsushi finally closed his eyes and soft breaths hit Akutagawa's skin. He wrapped his arm around the sleeping boys waist, still petting his hair. The level of trust Atsushi had in Akutagawa to fall asleep on him made his stomach flutter. Akutagawa pushed a bit of hair away from Atsushi's face, and left a small kiss where the hair used to lay. Atsushi instinctively cuddled closer to the warmth.

Akutagawa pulled the blanket over him and Atsushi, letting himself sink into the bed with the boy still in his arms.

In the quiet of the night, when all the children were asleep and the parents were keeping a watchful eye, Akutagawa smiled to himself as he drifted off, completely infatuated with the boy sleeping next to (on) him.

Atsushi was okay.
Now that Atsushi was okay, so was he.

They'd be okay.