Animal Flow

No-One Is Listening, Yet Ears Are Ringing

[tw for su1c1d4l thoughts, though nothing is done with it]

The interview has come and gone in a manner that feels like it spanned across years- and yet, it continues to take the news by storm. It was impossible for the news to ignore how Lips acted so different during the interview. He seemed irritable and sluggish, taking several moments to answer the questions- contrary to his typically energetic personality. Many people began to wonder if he was sick, or if something impactful had gone on behind the scenes. Others believed that his behavior was inappropriate and reflected poorly on the band's image- that he should be punished in some way or another. But nonetheless, the overwhelming attention has caused Lips to spiral into an even more aggressive attitude that isolates himself from others. As much as he wants to be with everyone, to be with his family, there's just something in his mind that's preventing him. And, as expected, it's caused him to collapse into a state of depression. He can only talk to Zoot without feeling violated in some way, even if he understands him just as much as the others- which is not much at all. He itches with every fiber of his felt to speak up, to tell Zoot what happened. But he's afraid that he'll break up with him and abandon him because he's afraid of him. He knows that Zoot would never do such a thing but... what is the risk?

Lips sits on the ground, his gaze fixed upon his reflection in the mirror he propped up on some books.. He stares at his face, long and puffed with fatigue. It makes him want to burst into tears. He has no idea what's happening to himself. Those wolves clearly did something to him. Perhaps he's simply dealing with the traumatic experience, but he just can't help but feel like he's losing control. Like he's in the back seat of his own body. It's beginning to make him feel afraid of himself.

What if I snap one day... and... what if I end up hurting them...? What if they all end up dead under my hand... or what if I end up taking my own life?

He scoffs audibly, using all his effort to shake the disturbing thought off. Perhaps it's just... intrusive. Intrusive thoughts. I... I'd never hurt anyone. I'd never hurt myself. I'd never hurt the band. I'd... I'd never hurt Zoot. He leans back, taking a deep breath. He wants to think about something else... anything but that. He lets his mind wander to different places. He tries thinking about Zoot. About the band. About his trumpet. But the thoughts only circle in to repeat the cycle.

The door gently slips open, and Lips sighs with relief. He isn't even looking that way, but he knows it's Zoot, who's anxiously scanning room, trying to locate Lips- and he calms down when he sees him sitting in front of the mirror. Shutting the door behind him, he plops down beside his beloved husband. Oh, he can never resist the urge to comb through those golden curls, can he...

"...Just checking in on ya," Zoot softly whispers, putting forth effort as not to overwhelm him. "...you doin' alright?" 

Lips shakes his head drowsily. And for the first time that day, he speaks. "I'unno." He's still gazing into the mirror, trying to accept his appearance.

"You're beautiful," Zoot comments gently. "Seeing you looking at yourself like that breaks my heart." Lips could hear the genuineness behind that. 

"N...nuh....danks, buh... daznotit..." he replies, shaking his head. Zoot pats his back before leaning against him in an attempt to offer some reassurance. "...is it about the interview...?" Lips would be surprised that Zoot remembered if it wasn't being shoved down their throats 24/7.

He can't hold the tears back this time. Without directly answering the question, Lips begins to burst. "...I... I'unno wuz'appenin tuh me. I dunno who... 'r whu I am't dis point.. I... I dink'I to'llly lozin' it... a-an-"