The Lovely Loveless

Chapter 3: Logan

There is something so utterly pathetic in admitting that you've never had a girlfriend. 

This incident was something that happened a couple of weeks ago, and it really is just about all I've thought about up until now. I had admitted to my brother that I had never had a girlfriend before. 

My brother older brother Cameron is one year older than me. At twenty-four, he stays at work most nights until six-thirty or seven o'clock because he doesn't want to go home. In my opinion, that is way too late, but I could also just dislike my job. He loves his hobbies, golfing, fishing, and trap shooting. He finds fulfillment in other avenues as well, he goes to bars, vacation destinations with friends, hockey games and parties, and overall, lives his life to the fullest. There is no restraint. He goes out for drinks with his colleagues and truly is the heart of every conversation. He says the reason he doesn't go home until late at night is because he lives with his girlfriend. 

There is something so utterly pathetic in staying with someone you can't stand. 

My brother and I are not close. Growing up he was always too old and cool and now, it's a similar excuse. Too many friends to see, so little time on my own. 

I wish I had that problem. 

Tonight, I was sitting on my couch watching The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.

So I guess I was the loser? But how much of a loser can you be when Bilbo Baggins is your super hero? 

After a good 3 hours or so the movie was done and I was almost out like a light. Just one more Crunch bar, and it was safe to say a cardiac arrest was not out of the picture. I had overeaten that night and almost every night since that terrible encounter I had not to long ago with a date off of this one dating app, SoulSearcher. The name sounds terrible, I know. It sounds like you are literally going on a date with someone who will murder you and steal your soul. But it was supposed to be the anti-online dating app, and a lot of people I knew who used it said they found their girlfriends or whatever on there. 

I have yet to be impressed with the app's features at all. The app lets you take quizzes in order to match you with other "like-minded individuals", who weren't secretly guys trying to catfish you as beautiful women and then steal your social security number and bank account information. 

I'd been on five dates, all within the span of five years. All coming to the ultimate conclusion, if I wanted to be in a relationship so badly, sacrifices had to be made and I absolutely could not eat anymore Crunch bars and watch the Hobbit all day long whilst flicking through women on SoulSearcher who looked eerily similar and much like a man under the guise of a women who likes preying on lonely young men. A man who is most certainly a former member of the Crips.

My stomach felt like a tornado had just gone through, gurgling in the aftermath, so I had no fun that night when trying to sleep. On top of that, I had to work the next day when all I wanted to do was go back to bed. Sunday nights are soul crushing like that app.

Beep... Beep... Beep...

That hellish sound gives me nightmares.

I sighed hitting the off button, and instant regret for career decisions emerged. I worked from home. Don't get me wrong, not having to see people everyday is a blessing, but has the potential to get me off track, allows me to be a hermit, and makes me go a bit insane only seeing the same four walls everyday. I also worked in IT which happens to underpay, overpromise, and cause PTSD from users who simply cannot help but be complete assholes over the phone. Some times things cannot be solved in one simple click like they show in the movies, and I am not some infallible hacker who can just snap his fingers and it reboots the grid on cue.