I'm waiting for that rapper guy (an EMINEM fanfic)

Chapter 26

This new band is sick. They're just so talented it's so amazing to work with them.
They're really cool but Marshall is of course super jealous. We're still not in a official relationship and he's acting like we're married.
It's just business and I guess that's the part he doesn't understand.
He works with a lot of beautiful women and I don't say a thing about it. As said we are not in a relationship.
He's really confusing. One day he's acting super sweet and understanding and the other day he's totally jealous and won't even talk to me.

He's so insecure about us and this is really annoying. I mean he can't decide what we are or what we aren't or what we're going to be one day.
He told me once he's unsure because he's older and me and how the media will react. But that's not even an argument. We're not children, we're adults and it's our fucking decision.
I don't mind that he's older. I really do not care about that. I just want to be with him. He's so frustrating.
I'm really afraid that he doesn't feel anything for me. What if he just I don't know wants to mess around.
It's been a year since we met and things started to get crazy and he's still so cool about being in a kind of relationship which really isn't a relationship. It's so hard to describe.
I don't know what to do if he really doesn't want us to be an item.
I got so used to him and the girls. They're like family. I spend most of my time with them. I bought an apartment near them. In the weekend I get up and drive to them. Marshall usually makes breakfast then we eat together. We spend so much time together and he's still afraid.
I don't know what he's afraid of.
My deepest fear is that he eventually never got over Kim. She comes around sometimes to get the girls. We never really talked since the incident just a briefly Hi and Bye.

"What are you thinking about?" Marshall voice interrupted my thoughts.

"About everything "

"Mind to explain?" he took a seat beside me on the couch and handed me a coffee.

"About my life. The last year was crazy you know. About work and you"

"Me?"

"Yes, you know what I'm afraid of"
He gave me a questioning look

"what if whatever we have never becomes something serious"

"Stella, really? "

"Marshall just think about it I mean we could've taken this to the next level a long time ago and look at us know still not knowing what we want"

"it's not that easy" he said frustrated

"It is Marshall you make it hard for both of us! I don't get why you still are unsure about all this! I... Just explain it to me I don't get it"

After a long pause he said

" I don't think I'm the right one for you"

"what?" what. How could he say that.

"I stayed around you for so long hoping that someday you will just admit that we have something and then you just claim that you're bot the right one? Are you totally insane? "

" you are young Stella. You go live your life.  Go party or something. You may want children. I don't want you to waste your time sitting here and stuck with me"

" really!? You're calling us a fucking waste of time?"

"No that's not what I meant, it's just... I don't want to keep you around that's selfish... I want the best for you"

"Marshall you are the best for me how could you think..."

" No I'm not go find a young guy like Jesse and have fun and go out..."

"Marshall stop okay. Is it really about Jesse here? how often do I have to tell you that we're friends!!! and we're working together!!! And I do not want to fcking go out!!"

" How do you expect this to work Stella?  Don't you want children? Don't you want to get married? I can't give you that"

" who said that's what I want Marshall. The girls are enough for me. You are enough for me. I don't care about marriage or children I care about you"

"I also care about you and that's why I want you to move forward. "

"Fck you Marshall"

And with that I got up and left. I heard him calling me but I just got in my car and drove home. I couldn't even see anything because I was crying so hard. How could he do this to me. He doesn't have any right to do this. He shouldn't have let me stay from the beginning if he was going to do this.
I feel like someone took my heart and cut it into million pieces and then burned it. Not just someone but the person I love.
I do love him.
My apartment was dark and cold. I washed my face and went to sleep.
I couldn't sleep all I could do was thinking about what he said.
How. Could. He.
It was 2 a.m when he called. Why would he call at 2 a.m?
"Hello?"

" I destroyed everything.." I heard him crying and saying something I couldn't really understand.
Wait.

"Oh my god Marshall are you drunk?"
I just heard him cry more and talking about disappointing everyone.
What was he doing? Why drink again?

I have to see him. Now.