The Fallen Short Stories

Waverly (Ezra's POV)

Avalon's hand closed like a vice around mine. I interlaced my fingers with hers and clasped my other hand around them. Her breathing was hard, and she was making this noise as the contractions settled on her that was so indicative of the most primal kind of suffering, that it made me feel a bit sick. I'd seen all sorts of horrific things in war and now at work, but it was completely different when it was my wife. I was doing everything to keep it together in front of her.  I reach into my pocket and pull out the handkerchief, Marnie had given me when I graduated from high school and wipe the sweat away from her eyes. She relaxes her grip on me when she gets a break from the contractions and slings her head back against the stack of pillows propping her upright. Avalon looks at me, only then do I see the tears leaking from her eyes. I rub her hair, damp from the sweat, and kneel down to get closer to her. I force a smile, and she breaks. The strongest person I knew, sobbing, and I was helpless to stop it. I instinctively look at her Marnie, who sat down at her feet, she always knew what to do, to say, but I have to pull my glance back to my wife, before I get my answer, as she starts to speak. Her voice is weak as she says, "Ezra I can't do this." "Hey," I put my forehead to hers, "yes. You. Can." Another contraction sends Avalon into loud sobs, I cling onto her, rubbing her head neurotically until the pain begins to ebb and I feel her body ease against me. Her face is beet red, and I tilt it towards me so she's looking directly into my eyes. "Mickey if anybody can do this, it's you." Huge tears trickle down her cheeks, she is beginning to hyperventilate. "Mickey, you have to breathe." "I...I ca...an...n't." "Avalon," Marnie says sternly, standing up from her stool at the foot of her bed, "you have got to push honey." "I'm trying." Avalon sucks in a loud breath, but her exhale is in ragged puffs.  Marnie looks at a monitor on the wall behind us, "Bare down as hard as you can, let's get her out." Avalon looks up at me, she looks exhausted. "It'll be okay Mickey; it'll be over soon." She'd been pushing for over five hours at this point, it was well after 2 in the morning. I knew in the back of my head that at some point Marnie would call it and rush Avalon into the operating room if this didn't progress shortly.
Avalon cries out, struggling for air. "Breathe. Avalon, breathe. Marnie, she's not"-- "Avalon do not hold your breath!" Her hands are between Avalon's legs, but her eyes are focused on me. Saying what she dares not to. I look at Avalon, her lips are clamped shut, and her eyes are closed, I can tell with one look her mind is a million miles away. I jerk an oxygen mask off the wall and turn the valve, I lay it over her mouth. "Breathe, breathe." Breathe Avalon, please. She gasps sucking in the oxygen. She takes a few more deep breaths, her chest rising and crashing back down. I rub her cheek, "Please don't do that Love." "The last thing we need is you passing out," says Marnie in that same stern tone only reserved for her patients. She gives Avalon a half-hearted smile, but Avalon has her eyes affixed to the ceiling. She silently grabs for my hand again and I plant my eyes on Marnie as I try and wait out the next contraction. Avalon's breathing is scaring the absolute shit out of me. The panic is evident in every part of her. She lets out a sort of animalistic moan before pressing her chin to her chest, the muscles in her belly taunt as she pushes. I look at her and I can't help but put myself in her place. Being so vulnerable, so exposed in front of so many people. No control over your body, the pain.
I pull her hand to my mouth and press my lips to her knuckles. "You are doing so well Mycheal." She lets her head drop back again. She exhales loudly and looks at Marnie. "Is she coming?" Her voice is desperate, I squeeze her hand. Marnie doesn't have a moment to answer before the next round of agony racks Avalon's body, this time she tries to stifle a scream and it makes the sound ten times as horrific. She puts her hand over her mouth, her body contorting with the exertion. I rub the back of her head, "Don't worry about the noise Love. No one expects you to be quiet now." She nods to me in acknowledgment. She lays back, I catch Marnie moving for something out of the corner of my eye. I have just enough time to make out the scalpel and get Avalon's attention before I hear the sound of cutting. "Look at me Love, just look at me." Her eyes go wide, and she whimpers, I bite down on the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. Another contraction and she clamps her hands over her mouth. She is saying something, but I can't understand. I take the oxygen mask off of her and have just enough time to make out the word sick and grab a bag before she vomits. I rub her back before I take the bag and drop it into the biohazard bin by the door. She is lying back staring dazed at a point beyond Marnie. "Hurts." "I know Love. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I whisper kissing her head. I look down between her knees and a touch of relief rolls through me.
"Mickey she is almost here, just a bit more." Avalon only nods and laces her fingers with mine, I glance down for a moment and run my thumb over the blue jewel in her ring. I find her eyes, the same shade of sapphire. I run my palm over her cheek, "Are you alright?" Her eyes were glassy, and her olive skin looked a sick shade of white. Marnie makes a movement and I suddenly realize what she's holding. Our baby. Marnie lays her on Avalon and a nurse comes and starts stimulating her. Marnie smiles at me and hands me a blade to cut the umbilical cord. I then turn back to Avalon. She's crying but not with joy. She looks at me panicked. "Why isn't she crying? Ezra, she's not crying!" I take Waverly from the nurse without thinking. I clear her mouth and nose with my hands then flip her over rubbing her firmly with the blanket she'd been wrapped in. "Ezra," Avalon whispers. "C'mon Waverly." I pat her back harder, "Breath baby breath." She finally starts to cry, to breathe and I can't help it I'm so relieved I start laughing. I lift her to my face and press a kiss on her head before laying her down on her mother.
Avalon looks at her a thin, tired smile on her lips. "You did so well my Love." I look over at her, but she is gone. Her eyes shut hand limp on our daughter's back. "Marnie," terror blazes in my chest, "Marnie!" The nurse takes the baby and hands her to me. "Marnie!" "Nurse get him out." My eyes land on the pool of red at my sister's feet. There is so much blood. Too much. I'm in shock too stunned to fight the woman pushing us out into the hallway. I'm left standing there staring at the door. No. This wasn't supposed to happen. She is perfectly healthy. She was supposed to be here with us. Goading me about our baby's name. Cracking jokes. Not this. Anything but this.
The small sound of Waverly suckling on her lip zaps me out of my head. I walk straight down the hallway into the nursery. The room where Avalon and I first met Carrington. I clean Waverly up then put her in a nappy, and wrap her in a fresh blanket. I take a small hat from the drawers and slip it on her. I find the bottles of formula in the small refrigerator under the changing station. I pop one in the bottle warmer and make for the rocking chair, an island in a sea of bassinets. She is crying so hard that almost no sound is coming out. "Shh, Daddy's got you, I'm here." I think for a moment what it must be like going from nine months of warmth and comfort to this. To a cold room away from the one person you know. So helpless. I undo the top two buttons of my shirt and lay Waverly there skin to skin with me. I rock her back and forth for a while not allowing myself to do anything except look at her. She looks so much like Avalon. No more thinking no more feeling just trying to stop the tears. To give her whatever comfort I can.
After a few minutes, she soothes and goes quiet. I find myself staring at her. She was a few pounds bigger than her sister, Carri was small, it took a while for the sickliness to wear off, but Waverly is chubby and pink. I play with a lock of her dark hair, and she smiles. "Hi, Peanut. It's nice to meet you."
The timer on the warmer goes off but she looks content, so I just keep rocking it needs to cool off anyway.
"I'm sorry your Mom isn't here. She loves you so much. You can't imagine how much your mother loves you. She would move a mountain for you little one." For all of us.
"I love you too. So much." I check her to make sure she isn't too cold as I adjust my hold on her. "You have a big sister too. She is so excited to meet you. Your cousins, and your aunts and"— I choke as I realize that my wife may never get to meet this baby. I think about her face earlier she was in so much pain and after everything that's how she died. Birthing my baby, bleeding out in a hospital? No. Unacceptable. She was a warrior, a Gideon, she couldn't die this way.
You can't do anything about it.
Tears fall down my face and land on the linen of Waverly's blanket. Pain flares in my chest and I begin to shake all over. I realize I'm on the ground but don't recall how. I pull the baby closer and fold until my face is on the linoleum.
"Jesus please, if you have to take one of us take me. Let Avalon live. Please God don't take my wife. Take me, kill me, please God I can't live without her. I can't raise these babies without their mother. Please let her be alright God, please. Please, God."
Guilt rolls through me like tar, dark, and so thick that it overtakes me, and I can't breathe. I'm hyperventilating on the floor of the nursery, sobbing to myself like a madman.
I don't know how long I stay there, all I know is Waverly begins to cry and I get up to get her bottle. I settle back in the chair, taking off my glasses and wiping my face on my sleeve. I shake the formula and test the temperature before putting the nipple in her mouth. Luckily, she latches perfectly well so I don't have to worry about that. "Were you hungry Love?", I say tears still spilling over my eyes. I move her up enough to kiss her head. I look down at her and watch as she opens her eyes. They are grey like mine; I rub her cheek with my thumb. She was so beautiful. I hated that Avalon had to miss this. I think about what it must have been like carrying a child for the better part of a year. Feeling her move, constantly being able to protect her, and in an instant that all was taken from you. Not only had she lost control over her body, and what was happening to it, she had lost control over our baby. I couldn't imagine how helpless she must have felt. It wasn't fair that I didn't get any of the pain and now I was the one nursing the baby and she was fighting for her life. None of this was fair.
I turn Waverly over my shoulder and start patting her back until I hear the air come out of her stomach. I put her back on my chest and just kept rocking her back and forth. I can feel myself losing my grip on my composer, getting antsy for answers. I have the urge to start preparing myself for the worst-case scenario, but I can't think about that. Can't imagine life without her. God I just wanted to be in there with her now, no one would take care of her the way I could.
I glance down at Waverly, and she has gone to sleep in my arms. "Fuck," I whisper under my breath, putting my head back against the hard wooden frame of the chair.
I flick my eyes up to the door as it creeks open. It's Riker, Cal trails behind him closely. Both of them looked out of place in the pastel-colored nursery. Cal with his towering build and Riker with his tattoos and the metal dangling from every inch of him.
Riker smiles at me brightly even Calvary can't help but put one on for the baby. "Hey," Riker says softly, "look at you Doc!" He leans down to get a look at her, and Cal pats my shoulder. "She is beautiful Doc. What's her name?" "Ezra Waverly Kohen-Levy." They both kind of give me this weird look and I can't help but smirk. "Mickey chose it." "How is she?" Cal asks. "She um... She lost a lot of blood I don't know anything they kicked me out. I don't know if she's okay." I wipe the tears that managed to spill over away with my free hand. Cal and Riker exchange a knowing look. Riker crouches down beside me. "She's strong she'll be fine." "What if she's not? I can't"-- "Hey stop that," Cal says. "You'll do what you have to, these girls need you, Avalon needs you to be strong now." "I know."
Waverly yawns and smiles up at me. "Hello, gorgeous, hi," Riker says letting her grip his finger. "I'd let you hold her, but Mickey hasn't seen her yet, I don't think it's fair." Riker smiles and shakes his head. "She looks like you." "She looks like Mickey." "She's beautiful Ezra.", Cal says. "Thank you."
I'm so busy looking at her that I hardly notice the nurse come in. "Dr. Levy?" I jump to my feet, "Yes?" "I'm here to do her hearing screening." "No word about my wife?" "I'm sorry I don't know." My heart sinks, it takes everything I have not to outright sob. I let the nurse take Waverly and I fall back into the chair with my head in my hands. "Ezra she is going to be fine I promise." Riker puts his hand on my back, I open my eyes. All I see is the floor and I realized he was wearing slippers. I look back up at him and find him wearing blue flannel pajama bottoms and a hoodie that's when it hit how late it was. I glance at Cal and find him similarly dressed in sleep clothes. They had woken up to my text and came to the hospital in the middle of the night. I stand up and put my arms around both of them. Even though it had been years since we'd been assigned to each other we were still a team, still a family.
"Thank you for being here." "Where else would we be," asks Cal. "At home, in bed." "Naw sleep is for losers." Rikers laughs. Cal breaks away first shakes my shoulders and claps me behind the head. Riker pulls me in by the neck, "It's gonna be alright." I nod, knowing my lip is trembling.
"Okay Dad, baby is all good, passed with flying colors." She hands her back to me, screaming of course. I let out a sick laugh and took her from the woman. I bounce her up and down moving around the room until she soothes. "There there Love, shhh you are alright, Daddy is here."
"What now?" Riker asks. "I guess we wait." "No, I'm going to see if someone knows something I can't wait anymore," I say laying Waverly in one of the bassinets. "Can you stay with her?" "Yeah of course," Cal says, "let us know what you find out." I head for the door but hear Riker whisper, "What the hell are we supposed to do with a baby?" I chuckle a bit as I make it out into the hall.
I turn and head for the nurse's station on the next floor. I thought of taking the elevator down but decided it would take too long and opted for the stairs. I take them two at a time, careful not to trip over my own feet as I move.
When I reach the nurse's station, I don't wait for the women to stop what they are doing I just start word vomiting. "I need information about a patient," I say. The first nurse glances up at me and then back down at the papers she is shuffling. "Just a moment Doctor." "No," I say, and they both look up. "It is five in the fucking morning I have been awake since yesterday. I've been waiting for nearly two hours to find out how my wife is doing. Someone is going to tell me something right now." I can feel how unhinged I sound; I can't imagine I looked much better in my wrinkled slacks and sweated-through dress shirt. But I didn't care Avalon was everything to me.
"No need to get upset Dr. Levy." "My wife just had our baby and she passed out and no one is fucking telling me anything! How hard is it to look at a computer and tell me if she is okay!" "Ezra." I whip around and see Marnie standing behind me. My body goes limp and tears well up in my eyes.
"Marnie?" She walks over to me and puts her hands on my shoulders. "Marnie, is Avalon, okay? Please tell me she's alright." "She tore badly and we're giving her a blood transfusion and fluids she's pretty out of it, but she is fine otherwise," she shakes her head smiling. Marnie puts her hand on my cheek, "She's okay Ezra." I pull Marnie in tightly and hold her while I bawl my eyes out. She rubs my back in that nurturing way that makes me feel safe in only the way Marnie can manage. "Can I see her?" I ask still hugging her. "She is still asleep but be my guest." I pull away and plant a kiss on her forehead before darting back to the staircase.
Marnie calls after me, "Congrats on becoming a dad again!" "Congratulations to you too Aunty!" I yell flying back up to the nursery. Riker is bent over the bassinet trying to calm Waverly and Cal sits in the rocking chair. They both turn to me in unison as I explode into the room. "How is she Doc?" Riker asks. I take Waverly, "She's okay. I'm going to see her now." I take the baby over to the changing table, figuring that was the cause for her ruckus. I change her quickly with shaking hands. "Oh, thank God." Riker says bending at the waist. Cal stands, "Do you need us to do anything for you?" I focus on wrapping Waverly back up before I speak, the exhaustion settling on me harder than ever. "No," I say, "you guys have done enough, just being here. You can head back home, I know it's late, or early depending on how you look at it. She is probably going to be loopy for a while anyways." "Call me if you need anything okay?" "I will." Cal leans down and rubs Waverly's hand. Riker comes and hugs me making sure to keep from crushing the baby. "Bye Doc." "Bye, guys."
I look down at my littlest daughter and smile in earnest for the first time, feeling like a weight had been lifted off of me. We slowly make our way back down the hallway to Avalon. I gingerly open the door, making sure not to wake her. I see another bassinet near her bed and lay Waverly in it, there is a small paper card at one end that reads, Baby Girl Levy. It's Kohen-Levy. She did all of the work and they can't even bother to remember to include her name.
It takes a bit of coddling, but I finally get Waverly settled enough to turn my attention to Avalon. Her dark hair is fanned out on the pillow behind her. Tubes run this way and that, flowing in and out of her. I watch her heart rhythm on the monitor for a while before putting down the guard on the bed and sitting on the edge of the mattress beside her. I stroke her hair, before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her forehead. She grunts in her sleep, lips moving. "Shh," I say, "I'm here. Go back to sleep Mickey." "Baby." she mutters. I massage her hand and bring it to my mouth again, as her eyes flutter open. "The baby is fine, she's right here." Avalon's sleepy eyes immediately find Waverly and I feel her relax. "She's, okay?" "Perfect." "Am I okay?" It breaks me and it takes all of my strength not to show it. "You scared me." "I'm sorry." She lays her head on me and nuzzles into my shirt. I put her hair behind her ear. "You lost a lot of blood, but you're okay now." "Good." "Do you want to hold her?" Avalon looks up at me, "Is that even a question?" I laugh out loud.
I help her to get situated in bed, and prop her up with pillows, and place a pillow under her chest, she the weight of the baby is resting there instead of on her arms, with all of the IVs still stabbing her. It's a surreal moment lifting Waverly up and giving her to her mother. It's a good moment, that I know will settle in the catalogue of my memories right up there with our first date and wedding day.
When I lay her in Avalon's arms her whole face lights up. "Hello, little Peanut. Hi. Oh my God Ezra, she is perfect. Look at her." I crouch down near them rubbing her hair. "We made this." I kiss her temple, "I love you." She looks at me "I love you more." I stick my tongue out at her, she returns the gesture and we laugh.
I continue to watch Avalon cuddle and muse with the baby for a while before I can tell she is getting uncomfortable. "Do you need to lay down Love?" She nods at me, clearly frustrated with herself. I take Waverly who immediately loses it from being disturbed and begins to fuss. I bounce her for a moment before Avalon moves too fast and winces. I lay the baby down and go to her. "Easy." "I'm fine." I cock my head, "Really?" I lift her legs and move her forward then gradually I help her lay back. "Really what?", she laughs as I fix her pillows. "After all you've gone through today, you're going to act like you're not in pain?" She laughs and pulls me into a hug. "I'm sorry Love." "For what?, " I pull away and kiss her on the tip of her nose. "I'm just glad you're able to joke around."
I take Waverly in my arms, but Avalon reaches for her. I am not in the business of denying my wife anything, so I lay her on her chest. Avalon looks down and smiles. "She looks just like you." "Oh really? She got that black hair from me?" She laughs patting Waverly's diaper. "She has your eyes Doc." "She has your nose though."
Waverly quiets after lying on Avalon, and her cries fade into soft coos. "She's smiling at you," I tell her, noticing just how much she reminds me of the few pictures of Avalon as a child I've seen. "I think someone just missed her mama." "It's your heartbeat," I say before thinking about how harsh and scientific that could sound, "the sound makes her feel safe." "It's all she's heard for nine months, I bet it does." "Your voice too, smell, she's got to get used to the rest of us, but she knows you." I look at the two of them together and my heart does a backflip in my chest, there was something about watching the girl I'd loved for so long in silence becoming all of these different people to me. First my friend, then lover, wife, now she was the mother of my children. We'd done it together, but sometimes it just hits me how far we had come from the first time I saw her during the Bell Exam.
Avalon looks down at her, she wore that same look when she first held Carrington. She was falling in love. So was I. God, I didn't think it was possible to love someone so much, seeing her like this did something to me. It was kind of like that feeling I got the night we went to the hospital formal. Watching her walk down those stairs in that dress like she would always be walking towards me. It made me weak.
I lean over and can't help but to kiss her on the mouth, I feel her smiling. I pull away and sure enough, she gives me that look that makes me do stupid things, like follow her to a new country or elope just because we felt like it.
"I can't believe it." "What?" "That she's here, real, I mean we made this! We made a person." "Crazy, isn't it?" "I already want another one." "You must be high on the painkillers." "Ezra." she laughs. "We are never doing this again, two is enough." "What? I thought 7 was our lucky number." "We can adopt as many children as we think we can handle but biological, nope. I'm booking a vasectomy tomorrow; I am never watching you go through that again." She shakes her head. "Don't be dramatic it wasn't that bad." "Mycheal! Are you serious?!" "Okay, labor sucked but I knew it would but this" she gestures to Waverly, "this is worth every second of pain." "Avalon we can talk about this when you aren't so drugged up." "I am perfectly sober mister." "Sure, sure, whatever you say Love." "You don't sound convinced." "Only drunk people want to have three under three." "Hahaha." She mocks cutting her eyes at me. I give Waverly my finger. She squeezes it with a surprising grip. "Maybe one more." Avalon laughs from beside me. She knew I couldn't say no to her. I'd give her anything she wanted; I'd sworn that to myself all the way back in our Acadamy days.
Avalon yawns and lets her eyes drift; she shakes her head and forces her eyelids back up. "Hey," I touch her face, "Go back to sleep I've got her." "No, I'm fine, what time is it anyways? You're probably exhausted too you should try and sleep while she's content." "No chance." "Ezra." I shake my head. "Mickey, I love you; you just had a baby, and you are worried about me, but I'm okay. You know me, I couldn't sleep if I tried. Just rest for a while." "I'm not sleepy I swear." "You are so stubborn; you know that don't you?" "Doc?" "Yeah, what's up?" "I'm starving. Do you think you can go and grab me some food?" "Yeah, yeah anything in particular?" "Whatever you can find honestly, I know the cafeteria is probably closed, right?" "Most definitely but I will see what I can do. I'll be right back, okay? Are you okay with the baby like that? Do I need to move her?" "Doc?" "Yeah?" "We. Are. Fine." "Okay, be right back." I lean down and give her a peck on the cheek.
It's not even 6 in the morning yet. I know all of the restaurants on the block aren't open yet, and without the cafeteria, I'm left raiding the minifridge in my office. Luckily, I had skipped a few lunches this past week, so I had a good spread for Mickey. On the way back up to her room I grab an apple juice and a ginger ale from one of the vending machines, before popping back in.
Avalon is stroking the downy tufts of the baby's hair. She looks up at me and smiles this huge, bright grin. It even gets me smiling. "You are psyched about breakfast, aren't you?" I laugh. "No," she laughs, "I got scared for a second I thought it was a nurse for another round of fundal massages." I cringe, "Geesh you definitely deserve a better meal than a turkey sandwich." She shakes her head, "I will accept anything at this point." "When we get you home, I will make you everything you want." "Roasted goose?" "Sure." "With those incredible mashed potatoes, you make." "Can't have goose without 'em." "And that baked brie you will never make because it smells." "Avalon I will milk the cow to make the damn cheese if that's what you want." She unwraps the sandwich and takes a bite, "I knew there was a reason I liked you." "I thought it was because you had a thing for blondes." "That too." I take Waverly, trying to remember when the last time she ate was. Avalon manages to sit herself up while I grab a bottle and mix up the formula for her. I sit down in the chair next to the bed and try and get my body to relax. There was a pain in my back that was starting to get annoying, I guess I'd been on my feet for too long.
I notice her struggling with the lid on the juice and I kick myself for not breaking the seal for her before the baby latched. One of her hands had an IV in it with another arm still was connected to the blood-bag, it was painful just watching her. "Mickey hang on." I stand up and move over to her. "Switch with me," I say. She smirks and takes Waverly, holding her close to her breast, doing her best to keep the bottle in place with her hand immobilized like it was. I shake up the juice and break the plastic lid free, I hold the juice to her mouth and let her drink for a few seconds before I take back the baby. "Thank you Love." I smile at her.
She eats and when she's finished, she lays down, facing us. "Do you know how much I love you?" "Huh?" I was making sure Waverly was still drinking, because she was drifting back off to sleep. I look up at Avalon. "Do you know how much I love you? I love the three of you so much it hurts." I lay the baby in the bassinet and crawl to the bed on my knees, so we are eye-to-eye. I smooth her hair, touching my forehead to hers. "Thank you." "What for?" "Nothing. Everything" She runs her hand over my neck and pulls me in, the lightest brush of her lips on mine. Had I not been paying attention I might have even missed it. I brush the hair that is plastered to her skin by sweat, away. She curls against me; I'm still rubbing her hair as she falls asleep.