The Fallen Short Stories

Grocery Shopping (Ezra's POV)

I laid the bags out on the table. It was one of our weekends at my apartment. In the time we'd been together my house had become hers and by extension ours. So, it was no surprise coming home from doing errands to find my girlfriend, having let herself inside and wearing one of my shirts like a dress. Avalon wraps her arms around my middle and pulls herself flush with my back, pressing her cheek just between my shoulders. I put my hands on top of hers, letting myself enjoy the moment, before pulling away to put the cold things in the icebox. "What time did you get in? I wasn't expecting you until dinnertime." "A little after noon," she says, and I lift my eyebrows in response. "I may or may not have skipped my afternoon classes to catch the earlier train. What? Don't give me that look." "What look? I'm not giving you any look," I say laughing, knowing full-well I was scowling at her. She puts her arms around my neck, kissing me softly before taking my bottom lip in her two fingers. I shake my head, breaking away from her. "School is important." "I know that." "Well, you don't act like it," I say adding a nervous laugh. "Maybe my priorities are just different, my boyfriend being the chief of those." "Mickey, I am always going to be here, school's not." She shrugs and goes back to the brown shopping bags on the table. 

"What's this?" I look back at her, confusion marring her features. "Um tampons?" "I know what they are Ezra why did you buy them?" "Because you were coming," I go back to stocking the fridge. "I noticed you were out." "You bought me tampons?" "I did the shopping, is that okay?" "Of course." "Something wrong?" "No um... it's just. I haven't thought about these things in a while." I close the refrigerator door a turn to face her. "I can't really remember when the last time was, I needed to buy them." I rake my fingers through my hair. "If you had to guess, how long's it been?" "I don't know... couple months maybe?" "You haven't gotten your period in a few months?" Something clicks in her mind; she shakes her head. I turn on my heel and head for the door. "Where're you going?" "Back to the store."

When I come home the second time, Avalon is standing in the same spot I left her in, as if frozen. I take her by the arm and lead her back into the kitchen. "I've always gone for months on end without getting it, once even a year," she adds. I nod, "But that was before though, right? Before you were eating well enough? Before you were healthy?" She nods her head, hiding her face in her hands as she slides down at the table. "You've had a regular cycle for the past two years we've been together." "I didn't even think about it honestly Ezra, God I'm such an idiot." "Hey," I say softly crouching next to her chair, "don't talk about my girlfriend like that." She looks at me and smiles, no doubt recalling all of the times she's said something similar to me. "Do you want to take the test now or wait?" "I guess I'll go ahead and get it over with." "I'll finish up in here, call me when you're finished in the bathroom." "Okay."

We sit side by side on the tile floor. She has her knees brought up over her chest, as if she can make herself small enough, she'll disappear. I don't want her to disappear. I put my arm around her and pull her in, she lays her head on my shoulder. "We were so careful." "I know," I say because we had. The both of us had done everything possible and still we ended up here. The timer on her phone sounds, she goes to stand and look at the test sitting above us on the vanity, but I catch her arm. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you," I say. She presses her forehead to mine before grabbing the test and sitting back beside me. She has it upside down and looks at me before flipping it over. She hurriedly grapples for the box on the floor next to her, but I already know. Two lines means pregnant. 

"I'll talk to Rook, see if he can get you some kind of desk job, to keep your deal. I'll take more hours at the hospital, and then after the baby is born, I'll start working nights so that I can watch them while you work." My words come out in one long string. I'm breathless once I finish. I look at her, her face frozen in something I cannot decipher at least not until the tears come. "I can't..." she stammers, "I can't... I can't breathe." I switch off whatever was swirling around in my head and move straight into caretaker mode. I pull her into my lap, rubbing soothing circles on her hands. "Look at me baby, yes you can. Slow, deep breaths. In and out, in and out. Shh, shh, I know, I know just breathe, just in and out. Just focus on getting air in, okay? In through your nose, out through your mouth, good girl just like that. Nice and slow, good girl." My hands are on her cheeks now, and I wipe the tears away watching her chest expand with each new intake. "That's it, there you go." "I'm going to become my mother." She pulls away from me. "I can't have a baby; I'll turn into her. I'll hurt it. I'll hurt you. I can't." I pull her hands away from her face, "Avalon Kohen you listen to me right now, you are not your mother, and you will never be, do you understand?" "But what if"-- "You won't. I won't let it happen." I pull her into a hug and let her cry into my shirt. "You are nothing like her. You are kind, and honest, and gentle, and loving." "What if I ruin them?" I pull away to see her face, "Mickey, you won't. It's not even possible." "I break everything I touch," she shakes her head and walks into the bedroom. Following her, I say, "You didn't break me." She meets my eye. "You saved me." 

She sits on the edge of the bed. "I can't believe this is happening." "We don't know for sure until you have an ultrasound. It could be a false positive." "And what if it's not?" "Then... you move in. We talk to Rook... we... we could get married?" "I don't want you to marry me just because I'm knocked up." I roll my eyes sitting next to her. "I've wanted to marry you since our first date." She flops down against the mattress, "This is so fucked. I can't imagine walking around that school pregnant Ezra, do you know what they'll say about me?" I cringe. Knights that fell pregnant were usually dishonorably discharged from service, and if they stuck it out it was hell on earth. The college of Avalon was hard enough on women let alone a promiscuous one.

"Maybe you don't have to go back?' I say hopefully. "Maybe Rook or Abbey can arrange something." "What about Cal and Riker? I can't just abandon our teammates." "This isn't about them Mickey, you can't go out on missions pregnant, you can't. It's too risky for you and the baby." She grimaces at the word and hides her face; I lay down next to her. "I do want it. This," she says suddenly. "I'm just scared." "Me too. It's sooner than we planned but, I don't think there could be a moment where I didn't want this with you."