that one stained shirt | mark lee ✓

the finals

I always thought I was a person who did good under pressure.

I was more or less sure of it.

But last week had humbled and stressed me out so much, that I'd spent one whole day in tears, buried deep in my blankets, rethinking life. I was so done I couldn't even pick up the phone, so when my tears finally dried, there was only cruel silence surrounding me. My eating and sleeping schedule had been thrown straight out of the window.

The day before exams I had completely stopped functioning. I just opened Netflix and watched no-complex-plot shows, because that was the most I was able to consume. My head hurt, my eyes stung and I accepted the reality of using the second attempt later in summer, even though it would mean so little time with my friends. With Mark especially.

At around eight in the evening, my phone chimed and I looked to see who texted me. When Mark's name appeared on the screen, my heart did a little flip. I opened the message. First, there was a photo of the Dreamies, all sweaty and tired, but everyone was holding up a thumbs up or a clenched fist in a sign of support. Mark was the one taking the selfie, smiling rather sillily, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

What a cute boyfriend I've got.

Under that a voice message awaited.

"Hi, love, how are you? I know you've been busy, and I didn't intend to interrupt your work, so just answer once you'll have time. I just wanted to tell you that no matter how things go tomorrow, I am really proud of you. You spent more time with me than in those books and I take every responsibility for it. But I also believe in you. You've got such passion for what you do, that there's no way of failing. I know it must be hard and exhausting, but please, don't give up. Don't listen to your feelings. The truth is, that you know everything you need to know. You'll do great. The boys are so excited to meet you tomorrow night, they sped up today's practice. Chenle told me they trained extra hard for you. We all know you can do it, remember that. Can't wait to see you tomorrow, Jess. Have a good sleep and eat before you go. If anything, I'll be on the phone, okay? I miss you, pretty. Good night."

If I thought I had cried enough, I was very wrong.

What are you doing to me, Mark?

I woke up the next morning way before my alarm. The sky was still dark and a chilly wind ruffled the sheets on my bed. My eyes wouldn't close anymore. So I got up and made myself a cup of tea, taking a fiction book I hadn't touched in weeks. Something in me knew I remembered a lot from my study sessions. The anxiety disappeared. Maybe it was Mark's reassurance or maybe I needed a really good sleep, but I felt ready. No matter the outcome, I wasn't afraid anymore.

Before eight o'clock, I managed to take a shower, eat a proper breakfast, and walk all the way to school. I took my place in the huge hall, checked my phone for the very last time, and then waited for the tests to come.

"The truth is, that you know everything you need to know. You'll do great."

I hope I do, Mark. I hope you're right.

☆

"So? Tell me, Jess, how did it go?!" stressed Sarah over the phone once I left the building. A huge burden rose from my shoulders.

"I don't believe I'm saying this, but it was actually quite easy? Like, much easier than I thought it would be. I must have made it, Sarah. I'm pretty confident in myself."

"As you should!" she shouted, and I had to distance myself from the phone for a second. "I'm doing them in two days, girl. Never have been more panicking in my life."

"Don't be," I said while crossing the street. "You'll do excellent, Sarah. You always do. I bet you'll get a hundred."

"I wish, duh. Don't raise my expectations."