Until Forgotten (Jsavch Legacy #1)

CHAPTER 48

Bakit ang dali para sa 'kin na bitawan ang mga bagay na ayaw ko naman talagang mawala?

Maybe because I am too coward. Maybe because I don't really know how to love. Maybe because I always think that by letting go or by escaping or by staying away, I could find the peace of mind that I want to have. Maybe I was too afraid to be visited by my guilt all my life if I won't be able to keep myself away from the people who reminds me of it.

Minsan, mapapatanong ako sa sarili kung natuto nga ba akong magmahal o dinadaya ko lang ang sarili ko. He is important. He is a part of me. Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko siya magawang ipaglaban. Siguro ay dahil nasa isip ko na hindi niya rin naman ako pinili noon. Or perhaps I got used to the tragedy of my life. Siguro nasanay na ako na pagkabigo rin ang kahihinatnan ng lahat. Dahil iyon naman ang palaging nangyayari.

My parents were caught. Nadamay si Mommy sa kaso at naipakulong din. I was too clouded during those times and I was thankful when it's done. Halos hindi na ako makalabas sa condo ni kuya. I couldn't even take care of myself properly. While my brother, who was supposed to be grieving, lengthen his patience for me.

Hindi niya ako kailan man tinanong tungkol kay Vin. At ayoko na ring pag-usapan 'yon. I was too empty and I couldn't even function. Parang pansamantalang tumigil ang mundo ko dahil sa mga nangyayari. His voice keeps on playing in my head and when I had a thought of just taking back my words, my mind would remind me how I killed that little girl. And, I'd cry, breakdown, and get lost again.

Truth to be told, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to live anymore. And I'm afraid, I'll fail to find the reason to keep this life.

It's been a month. I tried to find myself again. Nagtrabaho ako sa RNV. Sinubukan kong maging maayos ang takbo ng buhay ko. My brother is busy with the case he's handling, which is for my bestfriend, and I couldn't afford to add what's on his mind right now. Hindi ko siya tinanong tungkol sa kasong iyon. Not because I don't care about Sienne, but I just don't want to get back being lost again if I'll know something horrible, because I know there is.

Refusing to face the truth is not a good idea. But what can I do if it's the only thing that can make me keep me?

"Architect Louvierre, you have a client." Saad ng boss namin nang pinatawag niya ako sa office niya.

"Sir... I'm still not done with my project in Visayas." Tukoy ko sa next branch na itatayo nila doon. "You told me to focus."

"It's s just a house. Sinabi ko naman kasi na iba nalang pero ikaw talaga ang hinahanap. I bet you can take a time with this? Hindi naman ganun kalaki ang bahay na gusto niya."

"Uhm, okay sir. Can I see him?"

"He'll be here later. Thank you, Architect. I can really count on you."

Hindi ko alam na si Vin pala 'yon.

I couldn't move upon seeing him on the seat in front of my table, with his usual white long sleeve polo, black pants, and coat. Mukha na talaga siyang lawyer. I gulped hard as I sat on my chair. Pilit akong ngumiti at nagpaka-propesyonal.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Fuego."

"Hi, Architect..."

I swallowed as we went immediately to business. He discussed his suggestions on the house he wants me to sketch and I don't like it because it is too detailed... every little things... the same to the house I sketched when I was in Canada. What the heck.

Nang muli kaming magkita at pinakita ko sa kanya ang sketch na 'yon, hindi na siya nagbigay pa ng kahit anong komento.

"Thank you for your time, Mr. Fuego. The engineer will handle this. Siya na ang sasama sayo para masimulan na ang bahay mo."