Expectations (boyxboy)

Aftermath

Xavier

    I woke up the next morning with a puffy and sweaty face.

    I had cried myself to sleep after he left. I rolled over facing my window. With the curtain closed it gave me only more temptation to look outside to his window, but I couldn't. Confliction was growing more and more inside of me. A part of me wanted to forget about the night before. To go back in time and never..

    And then I would remember his lips. The electricity filling my body even when his arm grazed against mine. I wanted to start crying once again. I felt like sinking into a dark deep hole and never climbing out.

    Instead, I forced myself out of bed and into the shower.

    Steam flowed through the cold bathroom, allowing me to undress behind the heat growing. I stepped into the shower, not adjusting the temperature. The water burned my body as it slid down my skin. I stood there for a moment, just feeling the pain. After my skin had turned red from the heat, I conditioned my hair and washed my body. I started feeling more anxious as each thought pounced into my brain, not even seconds after each other.

    After I got changed my brother barged into my room. "Hey! Mom and Dad are coming home early! We have to start cleaning the house asap!" He snapped at me, leaving the room as quickly as he came.

   We threw out cups, food, drinks, and mopped the floors after throw up, crumbs, spilt alcohol, etc, made its way to the floor.

   Just like a scene from a movie, our parents walked in just as we had finished. Arguing in the process they made their way inside the house. My dad was in a usual upset mood, brooding and redness filled his face. Great. I really didn't want to deal with this. I got up and put on my shoes, kissing my mom goodbye, I left. It was starting to get cold outside and I didn't have on anything to cover with, but there was no way I was going back inside. I stepped out, turning to look over at his window.

    Only a dark room was there. No one seeming to be in it.

    I walked to the nearby park. The swings were where I always went when my dad was in one of his moods. Walking past the gate I began walking on the gravel trail in the park that lead to the swingset. Chills sent goosebumps down my body. Damn, I really should've grabbed a jacket. At least I brought my airpods. I commected them to my phone and put on a slow playlist. "Family Line" by Conan Gray started playing. How ironic.

    Making my way to the swings, I stared at the sun slowly getting ready to hide behind the trees. There was a forest right behind the park, I sat on the empty swing, facing the sun.

    I felt my eyes getting watery, until tears slowly trickled down my cheeks. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Did I really mess everything up? Did he not feel the same way? Was he even gay?? The odds werent in my favor. I mean he had kissed me back..but he pushed me and left. What if it was just the drugs that made him think kissing me was right? What if he realized how fucked up things were? What if he hated me forever..?

   I grabbed my face with my hands as the tears fell faster and faster. Was there anyway for me to fix this? Continuing my pity party, the sun eventually was covered by the forest, making the park eerily dark and creepy.The moonlight only made the trees appear darker than the rest of the park. Starting to feel uncomfortable, I got up to leave.

    I wiped the tears from my face as I walked down the lonely street. Most of the street lights were broken, making this a perfect time for me to get kidnapped. Due to light pollution, most of the stars were unseen, the moon barely visible itself because of the clouds surrounding it.

Isaac

Skateboarding always helped me when I was dealing with someone, so as soon as I woke up, I went outside to skate. I stayed outside all day, skating around the neighborhood. When the light from the sun had disappeared fully, I started to skate home. When I was just about outside my house, I saw Xavier walking back to his from the other direction. I didn't make eye contact with him as I kicked my board up, and walked inside.

I just wanted to erase the previous night from existence. I felt so disgusted with myself for giving in. Why the hell would I kiss him back?? I just wanted to forget about Xavier all together. Maybe if I never talked to him or seen him again I could salvage this mistake.

After eating dinner I walked up the stairs and into my bedroom. Across my window outside, was his, and there was a piece of paper taped to it saying "can we talk?" What was this a Taylor Swift music video?? Fuck was this dude actually gay?? I kind of just assumed it was his first time with drugs and it made him do that shit. Was he actually into it? Or maybe he thinks im gay and is trying to talk to figure it out. Fuck this shit, its hurting my brain going back and forth.

    I grabbed a thin blanket that was stuffed in my closet. Using tacs to hold it up, I covered my window with it. That night I looked out from behind the blanket to his window 47 times. His taped up note was taken down in between then.

    It took me forever to fall asleep, it was like the more I tried to not think about it, the more it invaded my mind. My mind couldnt stop fighting itself.

   The next morning I woke up late with a pounding headache. Ending up missing the bus, I had to ride my skateboard to school. I got to school just as the first bell rang. When I walked into the gym I saw most of the boys (including Xavier) already dressed sitting on the bleachers waiting for the rest of the boys to get done. I jogged into the locker room feeling Xaviers eyes on me.

    Getting to my locker I started taking off my shirt. Xavier walked around the corner of lockers and was now 2 feet away from me. "Can we please talk, I know I fucked up." The look on his face was fear. I think I know whats going on now.

    "Just stay the fuck away from me fag." I said while I finished dressing. A couple guys still changing heard our brief conversation, but they just assumed if was our usual arguing. I walked out of the gym and sat with the other guys on the bleachers. He didn't come out of the locker room.

    I thought maybe we could've been friends for a second..right before he..Damn it why'd he have to kiss me?? I know he was just experimenting or on the drugs, but I couldn't even look at him anymore.

Xavier

    He left the locker room, and I couldn't bring myself to walk out too. Instead I made my way to a stall and sat on the toilet for a second. Just thinking. A second turned into minutes, until boys voices filled the locker room while they changed. I felt tears go down the side of my face, but I just sat there, staring down at the dirty floor. Why did my chest hurt so much? I barely knew this guy, why did it feel like my heart was missing from my body and getting beated repeatedly? I felt like nothing. I hated how he was making feel. Not that it was his fault, I just hated that he was the one making me feel this way.

    After I heard the boys change out and leave, I was eventually able to get up myself and change. I walked to second period and slumped in my desk. I wanted to bash my head in. I wanted to stop feeling like this. When third period came around..I was still excited. To see him.

    I sat in my desk waiting in both pain and excitement to see him walk in. The late bell rang and there was still no Isaac walking in. Reality check. This guys hates you. I should give up on it, but I couldn't get my feelings to turn off.

    Eventually lunch came around. Surprisingly I was able to look as if nothing had happened in front of my friends. Matthew, Jess, and I were having a meaningless conversation whilst Camryn and Mateo talked. The laughing of girls flowed past my table. I looked up to see Isabel and the friend shes always with. They were looking at me with judgement and behind the laughs was anger.

    Mateo was the only one who noticed as well.

    With everything I was feeling about Isaac, I hadn't even thought about Isabel. It made since that she was the one to drug me. She probably saw it as harmless fun. She probably influenced the best and worst night of my life. Without getting drugged I might not have run into Isaac, and I also wouldnt have kissed him. Kissing him was both the best and worst thing that happened.

    When we were getting up to leave lunch, Mateo walked closer to me, away from everyone else. "What was that all about? Did something happen?" His face was a mix of confusion and eagerness. He probably thought me and Isabel did something sexual. "Nope, no idea what that was about." I said shrugging. There was no need to blame Isabel anyways.

    If I had hurt her anything like how hurt I was about Isaac, I could see why she would do that.