[Suegiku / TecJou] one-shot

Past and present [Suegiku school AU]

[Note: FLUFF!! No more sad stuff in this chap:3 just because maybe i will post a few stories with a sad ending or some angst more often.]

[Tecchou POV]

People often pull the curtains and open the windows every morning to let in the sunlight
I'm different. I prefer to do it at night, when the moon is brightest, and that's when I remember you. You're like the moon, you're sparkling and gorgeous, brilliant but not dazzling, a mysterious beauty that I never thought I would have.

I love you and you said you do too, which is what makes me still skeptical till now. It's not that I don't believe you, especially when I'm so in love with you, every sentence you say, even if it's untrue, is still true to me, it's that I don't believe me.

You are as bright as the moonlight. Even though I have noticed it for a long time, every time I look at you, is just like every time I look at the moon, I still feel like I have found the truth again.

You are beautiful, you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen and will ever see. You are also very good, how can there be any exam where it is not you who wins first? You're talented, more than half of the certificates of merit are hung one way. The honor on the school wall is all yours. You shine from your appearance to your mind, you are perfect from every action, every breath, every finger tip. Oh, I love you!

But you, I still feel dissatisfied even though the person you love is me. I am an average person, out of thousands of ordinary people passing through your life, you choose me. Of course being loved by you is a great blessing that God has given me, and along with gratitude is a feeling of guilt. Oh, and loving me is a disadvantage for you, isn't it? Of course if that's what you want, I'll cherish it the way I cherish you.

The only thing that makes me confident in myself is the way I love you. You know how to solve a very difficult math problem, but you don't know how to love properly. To put it bluntly, your personality is not one for romantic love or even love in the conventional sense.

You never call me by nicknames, like, baby, darling, honey or anything interesting, you just call me "Tecchou". The conversations that you and I have every day weren't either "love you", "I'm hungry", "miss you" or very normal things that every couple in their free time tell each other, you only speak to me first when you want to borrow something from me or ask for help. What could I do? I could only laugh to myself when I see that innocent way of speaking, and I fell even more in love with you when I saw your hesitant way of speaking as you didn't want to end the conversation but didn't know what to say.

Even though we're together, you're still very shy when we have intimate actions, even if it's just holding hands or a light hug. Or there are times when, as a boyfriend, I want to shoulder something for you, like when you're tired after a long run, I want you to complain to me and lean on my shoulder, and I also want you to brag about how fast you can run. But you just stood there resting tired, and alone.

Therefore, when I love you, I feel like I am something superfluous and unnecessary. That's why I believe that if people don't truly love you, they will get bored very quickly. But more than all of that, I know you love me, I feel it most clearly when I see you being so shy with me. Obviously you also want all the things I want, but you don't dare. I don't understand why you feel so self-conscious, it feels like you're afraid that what you do will make me dislike you, no. Shouldn't I be the person who should feel like this? If you love in a passive way, then I will shape myself to love in an active way, to be suitable for you. I will show you how much I love you, am infatuated with you, immersed in you.

Even so, I still cannot deny that I have also had times when I was upset with you, or I was upset with myself but passed it on to you. Those were the times when you were dry and stubborn, when I actively held your hand but you awkwardly turned away, withdrawing your hand. When I hugged you from behind, but you were startled and avoided my arms.