all i want - rinney - ANGST (REWRITTEN)

cause if i could see your face once more, i could die a happy man i'm sure.

The image of Griffin's mangled body kept flashing in his mind. It's all Finney could see, all he could think about; not the dingy basement he was in or how he could smell a mix of mold and blood. There was nothing except the image of his body bent, almost broken in half and all the blood. He knew from seeing him around school and all the missing posters that he was already small for his age but it was just, god, he can't even describe it. He was so frail, and his eyes were so cold and hollow. Finney couldn't handle it. He didn't know much about Griffin, he could've been a physical fighter just like Vance and Robin. That was just it, he had no way of knowing. He didn't know if the others looked just as bad as he did, the only solace he found is in thinking that maybe he fought hard too and that's why it was so severe. He didn't want to think that that was what happened to just the ones who didn't fight back, what would happen to him at the end of this.

At least he thinks so, maybe it'll be quick or maybe it'll be worse. He's not a fighter, he couldn't even begin to try and figure a way out, they were already having to help him. He puts his hands to his face and tries to get rid of the image. He doesn't want to look at it anymore, he doesn't want to see it anymore. As it disappears it's replaced with an even worse image. One of Robin in the exact same state as Griffin. Finney barely contains the bile rising in his throat. Oh god, what if he sees Robin like how he saw Griffin? If he was barely coping with Griffin, then he'd shatter seeing Robin. One selfish part of him wants to see Robin again, even if it is like that because he just wants to see him. He wants a chance to tell him the things he hadn't before. Then there's the other part of him who doesn't want to see him, he just wants to keep the memory of the last time he saw him.

Finney had almost finished his walk to the back of the school. They'd been meeting out back after school for years. So, of course, they continued even after they started dating. The initial reason they met back there was Finney was trying to avoid bullies but now it was to avoid people finding out about them. Finney was already dealing with all the bullying and treatment that came with being gay but if people found out that he really was, that they both were, all hell would break loose. Not just in the town but in the school, in his neighborhood, and there's no telling how his dad would react to that information and he didn't care to find out. He shakes off the thought as he turns the final corner to the back of the school.

As he gets closer to their spot at the fence, he sees Robin already waiting for him. Their eyes meet and Finney swears he might die looking into them. They're the most beautiful shade of brown he's seen in his whole life. And they're full of mirth and warmth, the same kind you'd feel after being out in the cold all day, once you finally get home and you can change into your pajamas and pile blankets on yourself while you sit by the radiator. The kind that you feel all throughout your body and it's such a relief after you've been in the cold all day. That's how looking into his eyes felt, it's how just being around Robin felt. He was comfortable and safe, he was Finney's home and it's exactly why he loved him.

Then there was his smile and seeing it stretch across his boyfriend's face. He smiled a lot but he had one specific one that he only ever used for Finney. The very same he's wearing on his face right now. Every time he sees it, he can't help but let a smile of his own appear. Robin just has this infectious sort of joy that he carried with him and Finney was in no way immune to it.

"Hey, Finn! We still on for movie night?"

"Of course, we never miss one. I think the world would go off balance if we did."

He badly mimics the world collapsing because he knows it'll make Robin laugh.

"Speaking of movie night, what're we watching?"

"Y'know how I was talking to you about one earlier?"

Finney groans but there's no actual disappointment present.

"Am I gonna have to sit through another horror movie?"

Robin wraps his arm around Finney and pulls him into his side, turning his head to face Finney.

"Damn right but I swear it's good, you won't be disappointed."

"You haven't seen it, how do you even know it's gonna be good?"

Robin half shrugs but keeps on grinning.

"Guess we'll just have to find out, won't we? I'll even let you hold my hand if you get scared."

Finney rolls his eyes while Robin laughs and goes to grab a hold of his hand. Finney smiles and swats it away.

"Like hell I'll get scared."

"Uh huh, and remember when you said the same thing about The Exorcist and Halloween?

Finney covers his hands with his face and groans. It wasn't exactly a secret, he was not a big fan of horror movies but it was something Robin loved so he gladly endured them. Plus, he knows if he asked Robin wouldn't make him watch them anymore. So it's not really a problem.

"That was only two movies, and I didn't get scared when we were watching Carrie."

Robin's eyes shine at the mention of the movie and grins even wider.

"Yeah, that's because Carrie isn't actually scary and two, you fell asleep on-"

Finney slaps a hand over Robin's mouth and narrows his eyes.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Fuck right off."

As always, there's no actual malice to his words. And while Robin's still busy laughing, Finney catches a glimpse of his watch and realizes he's gotta go soon so he can walk home with Gwen. He swats at Robin's arm in an effort to get him to stop laughing and listen but to no avail. He'll just speak and leave and if Robin hears him then cool and if he doesn't, well, he'll probably still stick around an extra second to tell him anyways.

"Hey asshole, stop laughing. I have to go and walk home with Gwen."

Robin laughs a little more but manages to calm himself back down.

"Alright, alright, I'm done."

Robin turns and wraps his other arm around Finney, encasing him in a hug. Finney didn't really like physical contact unless it was from Gwen or Robin. But he'd always especially loved Robin's hugs. When they break apart, Finney instantly gets cold and he misses the warmth but Robin gently takes his hand and presses a light kiss to Finney's knuckles.

"I'll see you tomorrow, mi corazón."

"See ya then."

Finney gives him a chaste kiss before he starts walking to meet Gwen at the side gate. He turns to look at Robin one last time before he goes. The sun appears to make his skin glow and there's a faint hint of red to his cheeks. The last thing he saw was Robin's dark hair moving with the breeze and the bandana he always wore fighting to keep it down.

Finney had remembered thinking Robin looked like an angel that day but as always, he'd spoken too soon.