➸ AFTER THE STORM

CHAPTER III - HAVE I WRONGED YOU?

MORGAN - DIARY ENTRY: APRIL 2023

Being social drains me sometimes and I don't know how to deal with people I pretend mostly.

Especially around the people who matter having seven people in one group, it's something.

I learned to play a lot of roles sometimes smart but dumb where everyone seems to need to look in an area that they shouldn't and being the 5th oldest of the group but somehow. I'm always babied it truly insulting where it matters.

I'm very independent been like that since age seven so I can't turn it off when I am around my friends that is what I think is appropriate to call them.

But to be honest I don't feel as close to them as I used to be in our high school years.

We all have grown into different people as time has gone along and the dust has settled.

The role that I seem to fit to the T, is I'm dominant and strong-minded among the people in our group of seven, but listen I rather be this than the latter because I can't play dumb blonde for anyone even with the side dish smartness but it more a once in a while then a constant thing.

With years of Trial and error of maturing, I'm starting to realize that a lot of the people I surround myself with or not people that I want to take in the next season with me.

One of these people is Katlyn she just loves to play the victim and with her ever-lasting boy problems, it is just a very exhausting experience to be her friend.

Sometimes I feel like she just takes and takes until nothing is left.

I just feel like a vessel that she uses as a host when ever it fits her best, what ever she needs I fill the role like no other.

A makeup artist I'm there, a shoulder to cry on I'm there, needs good advice along with support in everything she does and it always feels like it isn't enough she always says that in so many words But never being brave enough to let the words leave her lips.

So with my recent epiphany in the month of March, I've decided to start hanging out with Aurora more she is in her second year of nursing and she is an overall overachiever a total of a Lover girl if I could describe her in terms. She and I have something that knits us together like niches on a quilt.

The person that knits us together so seamly he tall, with beautiful milky skin, and lovely dark hair that comes be tucked behind his ear.

His smile can make any lie sound true. His face is round but sharp around his jawline.

His eyes are like dark coffee and his lips are shades of pink that bring out his features.

His name is Lore Mendez, he is the boy of my current heartbreak limbo that I'm in right now.

It's been a journey that I wish I could have avoided, but you may maybe wondering how Aurora came into this. She's his girlfriend or soon-to-be ex, obviously, I didn't know that at the time when these feelings of mine were created and growing but I later found out after I confessed in January.

You know how that ended with me crying in a closet and for three years an off and on ever since of emotion when it comes to him. One thing I will never claim is to be the strongest soldier because this man at the age of 22 seemed to rock my life every time he so much as stepped in the same room as me. I can't really hate him you know because for some reason I can only see him for what he can become the potential that he has. I want to be a good friend and help him become the best version of himself.

But with such a grand task it comes with a burden that I can't carry myself and with the Neglect and abandonment along with a punishing Silence of distance. So I decided to go no contact and boy that was hard it felt like a piece of myself was cut out of me like a limb that I had to grow to function without. There has been no contact from September 28, 2022, to May 14, 2023