Improbable Cause (An S4J Bonus Story)

Chapter III

In the Underworld, morning was more an abstract concept than it was an actual period of time. There was no blazing sunrise or sunset to tell you when the day began and ended, only the slight dimming and subsequent brightening of the lanterns lining the cavern walls, which Hades had set up to make the dead feel more at home. Still, the simple fact was this: most creatures here had no use for sleep anymore, if they ever had.

    Conny still very much enjoyed sleep, even though he was acutely aware it was becoming a largely recreational activity and soon enough he'd need some sort of mystical help to do it at all. He needed it anyway, the time to turn his supersonic brain off and rest his back against Hermes's chest and feel their breaths sync. Most days he was already a shredded disaster held together by precarious amounts of craft tape. He didn't want to know how catastrophic he'd be without his scheduled shut-eye.

    Conny was up first, per usual, snatching a sweatshirt from the ground below him and sweeping it over his head on his way out of the door. He did none of these movements lightly; there was no point. Hermes slept like a fucking rock and the only thing that could pull him out of it was himself, so Conny had learned not to care.

    He passed the window on his route to the kitchen. Sure enough, the lanterns were just beginning to brighten, and already the main square was busy: the multicolored heads moving through the canals of the shops and street stands like a colony of ants. It was more demon traffic than the spirits at the moment, if Conny had to guess, and they had probably been milling about since last night.

    A rapid series of knocks startled Conny so badly he kicked one of his fuzzy slippers across the floor. Cursing under his breath, he retrieved it, yelling out in the vague direction of the front door: "What do you want?"

    "Your boyfriend," said Artemis.

    Conny opened the door and stared at her. He didn't know why he expected her to look anything but her shimmering, dipped-in-gold best. He wondered absently if she'd ever worn sweatpants before, or tied her hair up, for instance, before he realized the more pressing matter here. "Did Angie tell you?"

    "No."

    "Did Alex tell you?"

    To her credit, her face didn't change at all. "I just know things, Conny."

    "Alex, that whore," Conny said, leaving the door open as he turned to go back inside. "Well, Hermes is sleeping, so you'll have to bother him later."

    "Nonsense," said Artemis, following him in. She didn't shut the door behind her; it shut itself. Everything was both a little in love with Artemis and also terrified of her, including doors, including Conny. "It's not like he needs it. Wake him up; I want to bother him now."

    Conny still made no move towards the bedroom, instead positioning himself against the edge of the kitchen island, squaring his shoulders and puffing his chest a bit. As if that would do anything to cheapen the distance between the glamorous, white tunic-clad goddess in front of him, and himself, in sweats and fuzzy slippers. "Is it urgent?" he asked. He could sense a pout forming on his face and did everything in his power to get rid of it. "Herm and I had plans."

    "Yes, it's urgent. You think I would come all the way down here if it wasn't?"

    Conny scoffed at that. "Just admit I'm your friend and you wanted to see me, Artemis."

    Her eyes flashed. "Never."

    "What's all this kerfuffle?" This inquiry came from Hermes, ambling into the kitchen in pajama pants and nothing else, dark hair rumpled and hanging in his eyes. Conny's eyes flew to the furthest wall possible. He'd never noticed that crack in the moulding before. Maybe he should see about getting it fixed.