Dark Star [18+]

Chapter 5

Diana's POV

I actually have a good time, sharing fresh donuts with Orlai and Jitters while we walk around the Kor Hold, since I'm still high and bouncing around with the return of my daughter.

And one more precious fact.

The fear is gone.

Kor's love. Elion's love.

Krora, my imagination, my deepest fears were unrealised.

I relate this all to Orlai and Jitters, the whole story, letting them know every detail.

I'm beaming with happiness, so is Orlai, entranced by the idea of Alpha Centauri putting his own life at risk to save a puny Empress.

Until Jitters randomly adds, talking and chewing with a mouthful of a cream donut, "...unless it was deliberate..."

I pause in my pacing down one of the elaborate Kor Hold Halls, "What do you mean?"

"Like double crossing, is that the right term?" Jitters mulls it over, "Hmm. Oh, you're not smiling anymore, Diana... sorry, I was just thinking out loud."

"Look, it felt real to me," I grind this out, "The Estori could have created a singularity. He would not have done that deliberately."

"Honor would suggest he is helping you to term, last time you were pregnant by Mars, Alpha Centauri was your Guardian – so he acts as it now," Orlai's comforting words have the opposite effect of making me feel like he just did it out of true love.

"So he did it out of honour?" I groan.

"Well, we're just talking," Orlai tries to gentle the ideas, "You look exhausted, Diana... a bath, then sleep?"

I nod, feeling sick all of a sudden. I had many sleepless nights and only a brief nap on Neastron – while plagued by a nightmare. I had no idea which parts were real and fake.

Orlai and Jitters show me to a room with a narrow shallow pool, nothing too deep.

It's warm and bubbly, and I immediately undress and sink to my knees, kneeling in the water so it reaches my neck.

Orlai joins me. Jitters lounges on the side, laying on her back, checking out her tiara.

Orlai places her hands on my shoulders. She didn't have to start giving me a massage but I'm not complaining, I feel utterly wrecked at this point. From both relief, renewed doubt and the weight of infinite questions. The more answers I get, the more questions I have.

"What's the Dark like," I whisper it, knowing she can't answer but being too tired to censor my question.

"I can't say..."

"What's it like when you die?" I change my wording. Jitters looks a little queasy at my curiosity, "When the Estori turned you to dust. Your own mate? What did you feel?"

"I was angry... sad... part of me accepted it. If I could narrow it down to one word? Hopeless," Orlai trails off, "Like... he had given up hope – or hope had died between us."

"When did it die?" I ask, curious.

"A slow burn of hating each other – letting hate and fear win, until we both stopped fighting..." Orlai's hands are doing wonderful work, releasing the tension in my shoulders, considering the darkness of the topic.

"Do we have to talk about that?" Jitters asks, nervous, "I don't like thinking about it, let alone..."

"I'm sorry," I apologise, "You're right – let's talk of something other than the End."