tossing and turning in my bed, i squeezed my eyes closed tighter. the flashbacks of that night continuously playing throughout my head. it started off as a nightmare, causing all the flashbacks i tried to bury in my mind to come back up.
finally turning over and laying on my back i opened my eyes staring at the ceiling. feeling the tears start to form in my eyes, my chest heaving up and down heavily. i haven't experienced this since 2 years ago, my adopted parents ended up putting me in therapy right after. for awhile i thought the therapy paid off, since i was diagnosed with ptsd i guess it never truly goes away.
getting up i slid into my slides and decided to go down to kitchen. i made my way to the pantry and got some fruit snacks and grabbed a water bottle out the fridge. going back to my room, i sat on my bed and went to netflix on my phone.
thinking that would help put my mind at some kind of ease. which it didn't, so i decided to call nari hoping she was up.
"hello" she spoke softly and lazily answering on the 3rd ring. "hey pretty, i'm sorry did i wake you?" i responded back feeling kind of bad. "oh uh..yeah but it's okay.. you okay?" she answered sounding like she was getting up.
"yeah.. well actually not really. which is why i called, i could really use your company right now." i spoke melancholic in my tone.
"what's wrong dakiiya?.. why do you sound like that?" she spoke, concern all in her voice. "just a dream.. well nightmare and some flashbacks, i'll be good tho." i spoke trying to dismiss it away.
"mm.. dakiiya you know i'm here always have been always will. you don't have to feel like your mental and emotions can't be talked about or listened to. i care about you." she said seriousness all in her voice.
"yeah i know ma, and i'm thankful for you. it's jus what i'm use to, i hate feeling like a burden. that's the last thing i wanna be to you, when i just got you back." i mumble the last part.
"dakiiya listen to me.. you'll never and i mean NEVER be a bother to me. whenever somethings on your mind and you feel like you have nobody to talk to please come to me. you don't have to worry about losing me okay? i promise i'm here to stay now." she spoke reassuring me.
"i understand, thank you nari. forreal this means a lot." i responded. "of course i'm here for you. wanna talk about what happened?" she asked softly.
"yeah.. well basically after we had got off the phone i fell asleep. at first everything was fine.. but then i ended having a nightmare of that night. you know the same nightmare it's always been.. um well i woke myself up out of the nightmare. it didn't end there tho because i kept getting flashbacks of that night." i explained to her.
"i'm sorry love, how often do you still have the nightmare?" she asked. "uh.. not as often anymore. which is why i think it bothered me this badly.. since it just came outta nowhere. last time i had it was 2 years ago, and after having it i was put into therapy." i explained more.
"that could be why it affected you as badly.. since its been awhile. how was the therapy did it help?" she responded. it meant a lot to me to see how much she still cared, and how she showed how much she was listening and understanding me and my emotions.
" i thought.. well it was helping at first, i had took medicine and everything. i was diagnosed with ptsd and depression, but i had medication for both that i would take daily. once i started doing good and getting better we didn't really see a reason to keep taking em."
"hmm.. maybe the nightmare and flashbacks are resurfacing because you haven't been taking your medication as much anymore. will you still be able to take them?"
"i ain even think about that, i should be able to. i can just see if i can call to set an appointment with my therapist to see about getting back on my medication."
"okay good!.. let me know how everything goes. i'm here every step of the way, you have my support." she said making me smile softly. "okay i will, thank you.. again for taking the time to listen to me. hell, for even answering my call it means a lot to me."
"of course, um.. wanna stay on the phone?" she asked, suddenly my stomach filled with butterflies. "yeah, i'll love that" i smiled.
we eventually ended up talking until around 5am nari falling asleep first and me shortly after. it felt good talking and getting my emotions out to someone other than my therapist and my adoptive parents for the last 2 years.
i wasn't complaining because they were very supportive and helpful, but with nari it was different. she made me feel seen and heard and she understood me and my pain from her own pain and suffering.
ever since we was little in foster care, she understood me like no one else and was there like no one else. i owe her the world and more, and i ain gon stop till i give her everything she deserves.
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