INTO YOU | A desi love story

past

* this chapter contains triggering content so I suggest you read it at your own risk. I'll be listing the trigger warnings down below ; if it makes you uncomfortable you can skip *

* mentions of sexual assault ; drugging ; physical and mental abuse *

Aashna's POV : (age 23 years old ; pursuing her masters)

Arjun. The love of my life. Not anymore.

I didn't know he would turn out to be the biggest regret of my fucking life.

I wanted a love like the movies. The all consuming love that made you forget everything except the one you love. The one for whom you'd give up your family and friends. I was naive. So naive. So fucking vulnerable. 

This is my punishment. My karma. For not listening to my family or my friends. For falling in love. For believing in some blindly when I was told not to.

I got out of a toxic relationship a three months ago. I had assumed he was the one. We had been together for 1.5 years. Naturally, I thought what he did to me. The way he scolded me. The way he used me was out of love and adoration.

That is not how love works. Not at all.

He abused me. He used to hit me every time he got drunk and played the victim every time I tried to confront him.

It was a vicious cycle, one I was trapped in and couldn't leave. 

I thought he was doing it out of love.

I guess that's how human brain works. You find excuses every time something goes wrong just to stay. To be loved. 

Love is supposed to be unconditional right? Not hurt you, not use you the fuck up and toss you around?

What happened with me was wrong and so fucked up but I'm scared. Too scared because he has unsolicited pictures of me that he threatened to post online. Another reason why I forced myself to stay.

I hated myself for every second of it.

The first we had sex it was non-consensual. I was drunk and definitely not in the mood. But he used me anyway. He used me not once but for four rounds. He fucked my mouth, took my virginity when I was too weak to even do something.

After the first time, he kept making me drink on random days. Practically forcing the drinks on me, so that I lose consciousness and that he can use me the way he wants and toss me.

I used to wake up every morning with dried cum on me and cry myself while taking a shower.

One night he got me so drunk that he took pictures while fucking me. He threatened to post them online and show them to my parents. His exact words were, "Do as I say or I will show your parents how well you take my dick." 

That was when I realised that this is not right but I ignored it and stayed. I stayed, I found excuses after excuses and stayed. I let myself be used, I let myself be touched in a way I hated, I despised. 

I was naive too fucking naive now that I realise it.

Months later when I refused to get drunk because I feared he'd use me again, he shoved the vodka down my throat as I cried because of the burn in my lungs. I got drunk easily.

He took advantage of me again. He kept doing it.

When I revolted, he started hitting me.

He called me names like slut, whore, 'do you open your legs for every fucking male you slut', the whole list.