The Brighter Side of Life

I hope everything never happened. I hope it starts again from the beginning, erasing the horrid memory I have and leaving me a life still full of hope. Funny how I still have hope after everything that's happened to me. Maybe the Pandoras box, for me, has opened, letting hope out leaving me hopeless. What can I do about it? Nothing. All I can do is suck it up and face tomorrows misery. Suck all of it and control myself from breaking down. Control myself from crying in one corner and sulking all day. Control myself from being a nervous wreck.

Only I can't. I cry when I'm alone or rather while I'm working. I cry inside, breaking slowly and try not to show it through my eyes. I smile my sadness away, though smiling doesn't help. My eyes show it.  

People say I have a lucky kind of life. I have a job I should be proud of. A job I could brag about. But is the only motivation I have to get up each morning. People think they know me with my outgoing personality and gestures but no. They don't. They never knew me like I know myself. Sure, they respect me, enough to think I was older than they are and flatter me too much with words I can't accept to be true. Words like 'I wish I was in your place' or 'You're so blessed with everything' kind. I wish I could tell them I'd rather be dead than be here living and miserable. I maybe second in charge in this company at the age of twenty-three but i still feel...empty. I should feel happy, right? Not.  

I've went through shit to achieve my position. Along with some support of my friends and my......demised parents. I did it.

Somehow.

I promised myself I won't meddle with love since it just plays with my emotions and my mind, it interferes with my life. I won't fall in to the hands of love for all I see and feel is hurt, broken, wounded and scarred. I made it my oath to life and it......hurts. Someday, I wish some one would show me what is feels again. And I'm terrified if ever that happens.

Lets say my life, my mind and my heart is messes up. Totally messed up that I could go insane. 

All it took was one day, heart breaking words and a memory to remember it each day.....

A/N:

¥^___^¥