OUR WAY BACK // Jeremiah Fisher

twelve

The morning of Susannah's funeral, I woke up with a heavy heart. My chest felt so heavy and my eyes stung from all of the tears I had cried.

Jeremiah, however, was in much worse shape. He refused to let me leave his sight. He had to be touching me at all times. I didn't mind, but it was gut wrenching to watch his demeanor.

Jeremiah had been almost completely silent for two days. He hardly spoke, and when he did it was a word or two here or there.

My heart ached for him. My heart ached for Conrad. My heart just ached.

I lifted Jeremiah's arm from its place draped over my waist and sat up in the bed. I stretched and reluctantly placed my feet on the cold hardwood beneath me.

I grabbed my clothes and slowly shut the door behind me. I stepped into the shower and let the hot water scold me.

I couldn't stop thinking of Susannah. I hadn't allowed myself to think about her as much as I had wanted to. I had cried plenty, but I tried to focus on Jere and Conrad.

The shower curtain slid open, pulling me out of my thoughts. I instinctively covered my body with my hands the best I could. When I realized who was standing on the other side of the curtain, I dropped my hands.

Jeremiah sleepily smiled at me, running his hands through his hair. He pulled his shirt over his head and pulled off his boxers. He stepped into the shower behind me.

My breath hitched in my throat. He ran his finger down my spine. He spun me around to face him and gently pulled my face to his.

"Good morning." He whispered against my lips.

I smiled and peered up at him as the water ran down my back. "Did I wake you?" I asked.

He shook his head as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. He stared into my eyes so intensely I felt my knees weaken.

He softly placed his lips on mine. But as quickly as he started, he stopped again. We finished our shower in silence.

—

I watched as Jeremiah began up the stairs to the stage. His hands shook as he unfolded the papers in his hand. He cleared his throat before he spoke.

"I want to thank everyone for gathering here today to celebrate the life of my Mother, Susannah Fisher. My mother was a light. She knew how to make anyone she ever spoke to feel like the most special person in the world. She was my best friend."

Jeremiah's voice broke as a tear fell onto the papers he was grasping.

"She was my confidant. She knew me better than anybody else in the world. She only ever wanted what was best for me, and supported me in every way she possibly could. When we found out her cancer had come back, she promised me she'd be okay. She promised me we'd get through this, just as we had the first time."

Jeremiah spoke through his sobs. His hands dropped to his side as he turned to his face away from the crowd. Before I could stop myself, I rushed to his side.

I placed my hand on his back and held my hand out for the papers. He sighed as he handed them to me. I turned back to the crowded room and took a deep breath as I began to read the rest of Jeremiah's speech.

"My mother tried to encourage me to continue on as she fought this battle. But, I simply couldn't do it. I neglected all of the things that mattered to me. In the end, my mother broke her promise. For the first time in my life, I had felt betrayed by my mother. I knew I was being selfish, but I missed her. I miss her hugs. I miss her smile. I miss her warmth. I miss her with every fiber of my being."