September 2007
Worcester, MA, USA
No matter what, I must stand my ground.
I must not give in to temptation. It doesn't matter how intelligent, how chivalrous, or how compassionate and warm-hearted Ian acts toward me and his friends. I must stick to my guns and refuse to allow anyone to distract me from my ultimate goal: having a fresh start in Europe.
Otherwise, someone will get hurt. And I don't want that to happen.
But damn it to hell! Ian makes it almost impossible to stick to the plan.
After six months of playing D&D with his group, during which we have secretly tested the waters to gauge our feelings for one another, I can't ignore my growing attraction to him. Now that we're back in college, my feelings have grown even stronger.
And right now? Beneath this starry night sky? Strolling beside him?
Good God, give me strength!
My attraction has little to do with his physicality, although it does light a little spark inside me. How could it not? Square face. Strong jawline. Prominent cheekbones. His tall yet slender physique gets me going. I love how he towers over most people in the room both in terms of height and intellect.
His dark yet tender gaze counterbalances his sharp masculine features. It makes him approachable. And it gives him the aura of a kind gentleman. Because Ian is a gentleman in every sense of the word. Even when we're arguing.
"Don't you think there might be the teensiest, tiniest chance God might exist?" I ask. "In a universe this huge with all the vast possibilities?"
"Unlikely," he replies in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Are humans all that there is?"
His lip ticks upward.
"How depressing would that be?" I insist. "Do you honestly believe the entirety of space exists simply for our benefit?"
"Life might exist on other planets," he says, "Possibly even life very different from us. But a deity?"
He shakes his head.
"That's fair."
"Correct me if I'm wrong," he says with a thoughtful expression, "but it sounds like you think there's some sort of design behind the universe."
"I believe in evolution," I say defensively. "Not creationism."
"No doubt. You're an intelligent woman," he says. "But your wording implies you think evolution has some kind of plan or intention."
I sigh. "I'm simply saying that I sincerely hope another form of life exists out there beyond foolish, violent, crappy-ass human beings."
"Do you think God is this...other form of life you've suggested?"
"I don't know."
He nods. "Neither do I, which is why I call myself agnostic. If someone shows me proof, I will believe. Until then, I won't chain myself to dogma."
Personally, I wouldn't call it chaining myself, but I agree to disagree. And we walk in companionable silence.
"Can I ask you something?"
"You can ask me anything, Sylvia."
"What do you think the purpose of life is?"
"In general?" he asks. "Or my own life in particular?"
"Either?"
"Life doesn't have an objective purpose," he replies, "which means you can choose to accept nihilistic defeat or bring your own meaning to it."
YOU ARE READING
Don't Look Back
RomanceONC 2024: In college, it was a case of wrong place/wrong time. Eight years later, they have a second chance. But will they take the leap? ___ Prompt 14: "My muse, believe me, waiting for you has been a form of freedom." ___ Excerpt: "Don't look bac...
