Unbreakable Bonds

Chapter 6

Tw: talk of drugs, panic attacks

Should I have freaked out on alexia like that? Probably not. My fuse is too short at the moment. It's not her fault. I was the one who told her, of course she was going to pity me. It was a horrific situation, the logically part of my brain knows that anyone I tell will pity me. But the emotional part?

Once I left their house I just started walking. After I calmed down I realised I had no idea where I was or where the house was. I had my phone but it was a flip phone. In this moment I wish I had gotten an iPhone when Ronnie said.

Dom was going to be panicked. Alexia and her parents too. I felt guilty. It was stupid. I am stupid. I rang Dom and tried to tell him where I was. It was getting dark and I started to panic.

After 15 minutes Dom and Jaume pulled up. I could tell they were mad but they didn't say anything. I appreciated that, I already knew I fucked up. They didn't need to remind me.

I got in the car and waited for Dom. WE didn't talk the rest of the night. We got back to the house and I immediately had a shower and went to bed. No words or looks were exchanged. This went on for the whole weekend.

When I woke up on Saturday, dom was gone. He left a note saying he was going to hang out with friends. Since when did he have friends? It didn't bother me because it meant I could play my keyboard without headphones in. So that's what I did. All day I practiced, I did my left over homework, ate dinner and showered. The following morning, Dom still wasn't home. I tried texting him and ringing him but there was no answer.

I was freaking out. What if he was dead somewhere? What would happen to me? I'd be sent into the foster care system but in what country? Spain? Australia? I started to panic. Really panic. I could usually get myself to calm down but I was too far gone. I picked up and rang the only person I could.

"Ana? What's wrong? It's late, are you ok"

"I c-c-can't b-b-breathe. I-I-it hurts-s"

"Fuck hold on okay, listen to my voice. Mums driving me over right now. Just keep listening to me okay, I'll be there so soon."

And then she was there. Not even a knock at my door. Alexia was there, holding my face, my hand over her heart. She continually wiped the tears from my face and whispered sweet words to me.

I was so tired. From the worry, for the anger, from fighting everything and everyone. I wanted it to stop.

Eli packed a bag for me as they were making me stay at their house overnight and we'd go straight to summer session. Alexia stayed with me. Holding me and keeping me calm. Eli wrote a note for Dom and we left. I must've fell asleep in the car because when I woke up I was in Alexia's bed and it was dark.

I checked my phone but had no messages from Dom. I managed to fall back asleep in the comfort of Alexia. When I woke up again the sun was rising. I decided to get up as smoothly and quickly as I could so I didn't wake Alexia.

As I made my way downstairs I heard her mum and dad talking in the kitchen. As soon as Eli saw me they stopped talking and she made her way over to me. Engulfing me in a huge hug. I stood there awkwardly for a few seconds and then hugged her back. It was comforting. She was comforting.

Jaume told me he rang and texted Dom but he hadn't replied and until he had I was staying at their house. I tried to protest, saying it was fine for me to be alone at the house and I could take care of myself but they weren't having it.

A week had passed and no one had heard from Dom. Eli or Jaume would take me to the house everyday after camp but there was no sign of him. His phone was going straight to voicemail and the texts going unread. Alexia and I had gotten closer. Alba too.

After the third day, Jaume and Eli agreed it was time to call the police. He was officially reported as missing and they would continue to update us. When they asked me questions about Dom and his behaviour they also asked if he took drugs. I obviously said no. But they seemed to think differently.

The more I thought about it, the more questions I had. I felt like I didn't even know him. Did he do drugs? What did he do when I was at camp? Who are these mystery friends he's with? Nothing was making sense. What will happen when he comes back? What if he doesn't come back?

What if he doesn't come back?

That was it. I was spiralling. The panic and emotions overcome me. I ran to the bathroom and start vomiting. Crying and vomiting. I felt Alexia holding my hair and rubbing my back. Whispering sweet words to me while I emptied my stomach.

She held me on the bathroom floor for a while. Holding me tight, I was putting snot and tears all over her but she didn't care. She only cared about making me safe and loved. she was there for me. I was relying on her. I didn't like that, I didn't want her to get too close to me. What if something bad happened to her?

More tears. More panic.

The thought of something bad happening to Alexia started me up again. Imaging her bleeding and dead. I couldn't help these thoughts and the images. I started rambling on about how I didn't want her to die or to get hurt. How I wanted to protect her and not cause her pain. Suddenly, she kissed me.

She kissed me?

Alexia POV:

After the first time Ana rang me I started googling panic attacks. How to stop them, he to help when someone was having one, what to say. It was a lot but I wanted to help Ana. She's my friend and I care about her. One thing I read was that if you kiss someone it will force them to regain their breath and their breathing will be fixed. This isn't how I wanted to have my first kiss but if it meant helping Ana then so be it.

She calmed down on the bathroom floor after vomiting and having another panic attack, I just sat there and held her. Practiced all the things I saw on google and it seemed to work. Until it didn't. She started back up again. Rambling about me dying or getting hurt. I knew I had to do it. It was a last ditch effort. So, I kissed her. I closed my eyes, held her face and I kissed her. She tensed up for a moment and then kissed me back. The taste of her tears on my lips. We both pulled back for air at the same time.

"Fuck Ana. I'm sorry I was googling panic attacks and it said to kiss the person to make them regain their breath control and you just kept..."

All of a sudden she was kissing me again. The butterflies in my stomach were kicking up a storm. I've never felt like this. I selfishly didn't want this moment to end.

Back to Ana:

She kissed me. Alexia Putellas kissed me. I was in shock for a minute but then I kissed her back. It felt so good. So natural. It felt like home. When we pulled back my breathing was controlled and more normal.

"Fuck Ana. I'm sorry I was googling panic attacks and it said to kiss the person to make them regain their breath control and you just kept..."

She googled how to help me? Why? What? All these questions in my brain but I didn't care. I wanted to kiss her again. And I did. Butterflies. So many butterflies. I didn't want to stop kissing her but there was a knock on the bathroom door.

Eli. Eli interrupted this moment with Alexia. When she opened the door I expected to see a grim face but instead it was blank.

"Anastasia, you have a visitor " a fake smile plastered on her face. I looked at Alexia who just looked confused. I got up and made my way downstairs. A visitor? Who would visit me here?