Twisted Hatred

Mayank

When we all were eating, i silently watched Nabah. She stayed quiet and occasionally made comments and laughed at Aahana and Jasmine's dirty jokes.
The words 'Chee' and 'Astagfirullah' easily escaped her tounge.
She was nice, kind and beautiful. Like the Nabah I knew in highschool.
"Okay! Let's go, are you guys ready?" Aahana shouted as she clapped her hands together and shouted.
"Yes Ma'am!" Adah and Heer shouted back with the same enthusiasm.
"Let's go!" Jasmine said as they all walked out.
"Bye guys! Will miss you." Nabah says as she hugs them and I wonder why she isn't going.
I feel like she isn't going because I am not, when she must've came to know that I wasn't going she also probably had decided to not go either. Maybe.
She closed the door as I kept on staring at her, reading her every moment. She must've felt awkward cause she cleared her throat as soon as I made eye contact with her.
"So, why didn't you go with them?" I ask her as she walks over to the kitchen.
"I don't like metal concerts." She said. I already knew that, she told me in highschool, "Plus, I've been working over time and I needed some rest."
"Okay, got it." I say and sit down on the sofa.
I look at her as she washed her hands in the wash basin of the kitchen and I cannot think of any way to make this less awkward for us.
"So," I say and she looks over at my direction "How's life been?"
"Good," She pauses for a second "i guess."
We're both quite again
"How's your girlfriend?" She asked me suddenly.
"Well, I don't know if you can tell by my face, but we broke up like 4 hours ago on phone." I say and smile at her, sarcastically.
"Oh! Sorry I didn't know," She says as she walks over to me.
"It's fine, I'm fine." I say as I look at her and try to smile again, only this time, I am unable to smile and there's tears all over my face.
"Mayank I'm so sorry." Nabah said as she placed her hand of my back and patted me.
But right now, all I can think about is Sanjana.
I loved her a lot, and she had to leave me. Because of her family, I understand her, I understand why she cannot be with me but it still hurts so bad.
Somehow my head ended up in Nabah's lap as she hugged and comforted me.
It was like highschool all over again.
Except this time, I couldn't focus on being happy the way I used to be in 9th grade when she touched me, I felt sad that I always asked Sanjana to comfort me like this.
I couldn't focus on the way she spoke to me so patiently, I felt sad because Sanjana did the same.
I couldn't focus on the fact that she was crying because I was, I felt sad that Sanjana used to cry exactly like her too.
I couldn't focus on how good her voice sounded, I felt sad because Sanjana sounded exactly like her.

I've fucked up, my whole life, I have showed everyone that I hated her while on the other hand, I have always looked for her in Sanjana.
I looked at Sanjana like she was Nabah.

I cannot even imagine looking Sanjana in the eyes now.
"Mayank?" Nabah says as she carasses my face slowly. "Are you fine?" She asked as she cupped my face in her hands and looked me in the eyes, her eyes were so beautiful but I never got a chance to compliment them, ever.
"Your eyes," I say and touch her face slowly with my fingers "they're beautiful."
"What?"
"Nothing." I say and pull back my arm, as I get up from the couch.
"Mayank, wait." Nabah says and I turn around to look at her.
"Do you maybe want to watch a movie?" She said as she picked up a bunch of CDS from the drawer.
"What genre?" I ask, looking over my shoulder.
"Horror?" She said with a small smile.
"Sure, why not." I turn around and walk towards her.