𝗜𝗻𝗮𝗱𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆, 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀

18 | 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫

Trigger Warning: Anxiety, Depression and ED'S

NORA'S POV

✧˚ ·

SOMETIMES, all the negatives things collide, leaving you to become utterly insecure. That has happened plenty of times throughout my life.

I seem to always mention life, but it is really what I think about most of my time. I know that my anxiety, has a large role in this mindset but I can't seem to help it.

I always tend to think of the negative perspective in situations and it is something I truly hate. When I reach rock bottom, all thing are ruined.

From friendships, family, academics, my own self worth. Like a domino effect, it starts off with looking at the mirror for too long.

My stomach is starting to look pudgy, well of course as the insulin has been making my hormones fluctuate. This makes me feel terribly gross.

I need to loose weight.

I begin to barely scrape by, just enough to make my blood sugar higher. Even eating that little amount of food, floods me with guilt. The only thing that I am running on right now, is coffee and water.

I know this isn't healthy. I've relapsed with my eating disorder. I'm so incredibly ashamed, I don't feel like going out anymore because of my crippling anxiety.

All day I sit at home stressed out about my grades, as my destructive behavior starts slowly creeping inside my head— disrupting my thoughts.

Recently, I had just gotten my period. For some reason my flow has been much more heavy, which leaves me feeling ten times more weak not to mention the low blood sugar's effects.

Basically, I was completely bedridden this week. I didn't want to leave my bed, yet of course I wouldn't completely fall back into a spiral. I was proud that I took my regular showers; maintaining my hygienic routine.

I knew I had to crawl out of this hole. I had already dug too deep. My heart was unnaturally rapid with its beats because of the overthinking plus anxiety.

I knew I was no longer okay.

Since my period this month was like someone was stabbing my stomach several times along with the severe back pain I get. Not even Tylenol can save me this time.

For the first time in several years, my Mama and I got into a heated argument. My mood swings were making my head spin with all these rapid changes.

I sort of became really irritated with my Dad, which led to my mom trying to intervene. It all became really confusing, we ended up not talking to each other.

Of course my brain began to think that they no longer loved me, that I was alone and should really just stop getting attached for no particular reason.

I thought that they were better off without me.

Also, Alaina and Emi who have known each other since the six grade have been hanging out— as they should be able to. I can't explain why I felt so badly about this.

I felt as though they were my only friends, I wasn't making an effort to text or hangout so obviously as they make their plans. Yet, I shouldn't feel this bad.

Mama and Appa laugh together on my couch, thinking that they should give me some space after my outburst.

They look much happier without me in the picture.

"Ezra, I wish I could give my heart out to our little girl. But at this point, I really don't know how to help her anymore." Mama whispers.

"It's just that every single time she stands back up, another punch is blown." Mama adds on.