expire

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

I do not know how long I stayed there, curled up on the carpet, the wind enveloping me into a cold, unwelcome hug. It's affection froze my skin, and I didn't want to move; as a statue would, I lay still, as if waiting for something to happen. But nothing did.

My eyes were crusted with dried tears, and I had to brush away the glassy fragments in case they irritated my sight. But the remains of my teardrops had turned powdery, and were lifted by the wind into the air above my head, landing amongst my glassy hair and white nightgown after a short swirl through the atmosphere.

I closed my eyes.

I had lost my family today; or rather, yesterday. Recalling the three o'clock status of my pocketwatch back in my bedroom, I estimated it to be around four now - although I had lost track of time halfway through. Were the timings different here on Kerran, than back on Earth? And if so, what time was it back home? Could I visit my mother and sister's graves, and pay my respects? Tine, surely, would at least allow that – but from the last time I saw her, I wasn't so sure. She obviously has issues of her own – ones she needs to deal with before she takes them out on everyone else.

My mind was drawn once again to the mysterious black figure, and I cursed him silently for everything. I didn't even know who he was, or how he entered my mind, so it seemed appropriate to aim all my anger at this complete stranger. I knew he came from my imagination; when I picture a murderer, that black silhouette is what I get...but why would he kill my family? In my mind he laughed at me, taunted me from behind the veil of reality; he wasn't real, so I couldn't reach him. Damn it.

“Ivy?”

I looked up through tearful eyes to find Jola, dressed in white cotton pyjamas, standing in the doorway to his room. His translucent hair was messy and dishevelled, and he ran a hand through it as if to tame his mad sleep-hairstyle. I would have sat up, but I was too cold, still a statue on the floor, and didn't move. His eyes, despite his tired state, were alive, awake, and glittered with the reflected city lights. Mine were cold, hard, and half asleep.

“What are you doing?” I think my voice was frozen too, as I couldn't find it anywhere. His eyes humoured me slightly, before he crouched down beside me and tugged at my sleeve. “Ivy? Is something wrong?”

I somehow managed to shake my head, although of course he could see through my weak gesture. He seemed to understand though, and sat beside me, knees to his chest, and said, “I'm sorry about your family,”

How did he know about that? I coughed, clearing my throat, and whispered, “How do you know about them?”

He glanced over at me, meeting my gaze with confused but glittering eyes. 

“Everyone has a family. You must miss yours – but it gets easier soon, and you'll be able to see them again.”

Oh. So he didn't know about the funeral.

“They're dead.”

“Oh.” The sudden feel of being uncomfortable washed over me, and I realised my words had come out sharper, harsher, than I had intended. I looked up at him through glassy eyelashes and said “Sorry. I didn't mean to sound so spiteful, I'm jus..”

“Hey,” He interrupted, putting a finger to my lips, hushing my words. “It'll all be alright.” And at his soft, gentle words I crumpled, having not felt this kind of compassion for a while now, it seemed, and I let the tears stream, once again. Crybaby, my inner critic scolded, but Maggie's face flashed up from a memory of when I had called her that, and it just welled up a whole new wave of salty tears. Maggie, I thought. Alice. Will I ever see you again?

Jola's arm curled around my shoulders, and I crumpled up into him, his pyjama shirt serving as a tissue for my teardrops. I felt embarrassed at my emotional breakdown, but he didn't seem to mind; Jola just smiled, brushed the glass droplets from his clothes, and held me until my tears dried up and my eyes fell closed.