expire

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Darkness surrounded me, like a winter's night sky, or some kind of blindfold that had been tied around your eyes unknowingly. Teamed with a throbbing head, aching limbs and an empty heart, I felt utterly defenceless. A fuzzy layer of exhaustion blurred my vision, and slowed my movements, numbing my brain into thinking it was alright to go to sleep. But I needed to stay awake. Who knew when I would wake up again?

Groggily, I reached out my hand and pushed up off the floor, my whole body weary with sorrow, loss, and curiosity that gave me headaches. I had so many questions, one of which being, 'why is my skin see-through?', which I noticed as I sat up and slowly stretched my arm out. The muscles and tendons complained at the sudden movement, but the throb eased out after a couple of seconds. The skin was smooth, and soft, but was translucent, and had a slight blueish tinge, as if it were carved out of ice, or glass. It was almost as if I was a ghost.

And only a couple of days ago I had believed such things didn't exist.

Standing up, I received the same slight twinge in my muscles, before they righted themselves and I could stand up straight without hunching over like a cripple. I was still dressed in the same white hospital gown, patterned all over with little blue dinosaurs, although now it was all crumpled. Out of habit, I smoothed it out, flattening out the lines and creases. I think it was more an act of trying to distract myself, instead of just being fussy. I knew that if I let myself go, let my guard down, then I would crumple up, and let the grief overtake me. So instead I shoved all thoughts of my family out of my mind and took a deep, shuddery breath.

It was as if they were the ones who were dead, instead of me.

I wish I was.

Being like this, you couldn't exactly say I had passed away. I mean, I was still here, right?

At least I thought so, anyway.

Suddenly blinded, a bright light blasted through the fragile film of fatigue my eyes had been drooping over only a second earlier, and I immediately brought my hand up to shield my poor eyeballs. But, now being translucent, my hand offered no shelter, and it only dimmed the flare, like seeing through water. After blinking like a mole for the next few seconds, I managed to eventually make out exactly what and where the light came from; a large hole had opened a couple of metres ahead, a brilliant white light emanating from within. I gingerly padded forward, my footsteps barely even a whisper of sound on the black, seemingly endless floor, and peered forward.

But it was not a light that I saw.

It was a large, rectangular screen, and on it I saw images and pictures flying past, a great colourful blur of smiling faces, beaches and bright clothes. Trees whizzed past as if I were seeing them through a car window, and raindrops appeared to splatter across the screen; they were so sharp, so clear, they looked real. Then the droplets faded, and an all-too familiar face flashed up onto the screen, lights hovering behind her delicate features. My stomach constricted painfully as I continued to stare at the screen, mesmerized. Alice's dimpled face smiled down at me, all rounded and rosy-cheeked. She must only be about two years old, but I remembered that day. It was Christmas, and the previous night I had been delivering all the presents to the right person's stocking, as Mum had been working late and couldn't do it herself. I had been exhausted, and had just collapsed on the sofa once I'd finished. The twins had woken me up the next morning by using me as a bouncy castle. Not the most pleasant way to get woken up on Christmas Day, but I guess you get what you're given.

Then more images floated up of Mum, and Dad, and the twins, and it was like one big photo album, with all these pictures of holidays and random snapshots, and there were even short films of Maggie pulling faces, and Alice dancing with Mum. It was all too weird...and way too familiar. And once it dawned on me, I suddenly realised what I'd have to relive in only the next few seconds.

This wasn't a photo album. It was my life.

This was taking the phrase 'my life flashed before my eyes' to a whole other level. And that meant I'd have to witness not just my birth, but also my death.