fade into you | shubman gill x ishan kishan

your kind of quiet

ishan was furious. ishan has been furious for so long now, that it no longer felt like a dull nagging in his body, but a stubborn strain in his chest. shubman had not looked in his general direction all day. it had been 13 hours, 4 minutes and 32 seconds since shubmans big brown eyes and looked into ishans, and it was driving him insane.

he hated when shubman was like this, with his jock friends. the entire high school knew shubman, the cricket prodigy with soft eyes and an impeccable smile. they knew the crowd he would be with, noisy, unwashed teenage boys making 'your mom' jokes and throwing slurs at people. although ishan knew he wasn't like the rest of them, it still nagged him watching shubman interact with them. he had seen the younger try and stop his mates when they took a joke too far, or attempt to stop the more vile attacks they threw at them, but when shubman threw his head back and laughed one of his perfect laughs, a faint insecurity tugged at him. in his heart, ishan believed that his shubman would never do anything to intentionally hurt him. but right now, as he sat with his nerd group on the other side of the cafeteria, he felt a lump growing in his throat at the sight of them.
he needed to talk to shubman.

ever since they had met in coincidence in a history project a year ago, shubman and ishan were strangely inseparable. no one would have guessed that the most popular boy in school would be so enchanted by the artist boy with a kind heart and a fiery personality, but he was. shubman loved ishan. he loved the compassion ishan had for others, the way his thoughts were so complex, the way he focused when he painted. he loved the way he talked, the fearless way he carried himself, his eyes when he was excited, his disinterest in pleasing others. shubman had always found himself speaking and acting to make everyone around him happy, rather than being himself. ishan had slowly weened him off that, and now shubman found himself expressing himself and his distaste to his obnoxious friends, so much so that whenever shubman spent too long with his friends, he would feel himself fighting for ishans kind of quiet. ishan had made him a better person, and shubman would do anything for him.

but, his teammates were important to him too. they had been with him since day one, since he was a shy nobody who had just got a sports scholarship and transferred to this big school. although they were loud sometimes, they were his family. they had supported him through everything, before even ishan was in the picture.

as shubman made his way to period three, he felt a strong hand pull him into a unoccupied classroom.
'what the fuck!'
'shut up, it's me'
'oh, hi baby' shubman grinned
his smile quickly faded when he took a look at ishans face. ishans eyes were rough, his eyebrows knitted together, his plump lips drawn. shubman quickly panicked.
'what is it?'
'14 hours. 2 minutes and 12 seconds'
'what?'
'that's how long it's been since you've looked at me'
oh.
to be fair, shubman had won a match last night, and the group was more riled up than usual after it. he had been totally preoccupied the whole day planning parties and sharing stories of the tournament.
and, although shubman would never admit it, it hurt that ishan hadn't shown up for one of the biggest matches of his life, he wanted that moment to be with him.

'i've just been realy busy today. we won last night'
'i dont care'
shubmans eyes hardened
'it's fucking obvious you don't care. have you ever come to one of my matches?'
'i would, if those thick headed assholes weren't there'
'those are my friends' shubmans voice was warning.
he didn't appreciate being lectured like this.
'look. i get theyre your friends. but i'm your boyfriend. i deserve to be treated like it. you're so caught up with your silly self and your silly games and your silly friends that you never stop to think how you treat me!! i don't want a relationship where i put in all the effort, shubman!  you don't care about me. you make me feel worse about myself than anyone ever has! i don't want that negative energy in my life!' ishan yelled. a painful pause.
'i don't want you in my life' ishan finally spat.
shubman had froze on the desk he was leaning on. ishans word had cut him deep. suddenly, the cds sitting in his back pocket felt like they were weighing him down.

ishan huffed loudly, storming to the door, when he turned back to take one last look to the younger, hopefully to reignite the argument and have one last go at him.
however, the sight before him almost made him fall onto the floor.
shubmans eyes were stuck on the floor, his knee bouncing up and down. a tear fell onto his thigh, as he furiously wiped away one that tried to follow. a soft sniffle escaped him, as ishan tentatively went back to him. shubman never cried, not ever, not in front of anyone. and ishan felt like someone had plunged a knife through his chest. he was expecting another snippy comeback, a last hurrah, not.... this from shubman. he didn't care about the stupid fight anymore, he just had to make shubman stop looking like that. like he was trying to make himself smaller.

he kneeled down slowly in front of shubman, taking his hands into his own.
shubman still refused to look at him. ishan needed shubman to look at him.
'shubi' he called. he got a sniffle in response
'come on baby. look at me' he whispered, placing his hands on shubmans cheek.
he slowly looked up, nose red and eyelashes wet.
ishans heart almost split into two.
'shhh, it's okay. i'm right here' ishan whispered, moving closer and pulling shubman into him. shubman buried his face into his neck, wrapping around his waist.
'i didn't want you to -hic- feel like that. i just -hic- really wanted you to be there last night and you weren't, and it made me so sad. i waited for you for so long' he sobbed
'i brought cds -hic- of my match for us. i want you to see me play. cricket and you are the most important things in my life, and i want you to meet each other. but you don't -hic- you don't want to be with me anymore' shubman removed his face from ishans shoulder. the loss of contact almost made ishan cry out, and that's when his guilt overflowed.

'shubi. you are my everything. i would do anything for you. if a cricket match is what you want me to come to, then i will come to ever single one. whatever, whenever you want me, i'll be there. i'm so so sorry. i should've come yesterday' ishan hung his head, embarassed by his previous outburst.
'i'm so selfish. it's my fault'
shubman turned back around at him at that.
'i shouldn't have ignored you either. don't blame yourself' he mumbled, sitting down on the floor next to ishan. ishan pulled him into his arms again, letting shubmans intoxicating scent wash over him.
'never seen you like this. never seen you cry before.' ishan whispered in shubmans ear.
'well, anything to do with you makes me too emotional'
after a while of comfortable silence, in each other arms, shubman cleared his throat.
'um, if you want, we could possibly, watch my match highlights later? if you want to, that is' he said, insecurity lacing his voice.
ishan almost cooed at him
'i'll be over at 7 baby'

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800 reads!! wowow thank you!! this one is so random but i'm just frustrated with school already so it's just for funsies. feel free to give me some ideas for more on shots, i'm feeling a bit uninspired. ALSO SHUBMANS COMEBACK OMG?? Im so glad it feels like i've achieved something. please do vote and comment!!!!

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