fucked up

my life

ella's pov :

some people look at my life and think .'wow how lucky is she ?' .and it's true -i am extremely lucky and privileged.but that comes  hand in hand with jealously .i get teased a lot for my dad being famous but that's nothing i can't handle .

my mom died 4 years ago -so when i was 10.i miss her alot .i have a picture of her me and my dad framed on my bedside table .but my friends ,my dad ,and weed get me through my struggles .my dad is really a sweetheart ,i know it hurt him bad when my mom died but the whole time he's only thought about me .i have a very tight group of friends and we all love eachother .my dad is the best dad in the world -but he's clueless .he dosent know that when i go to my friends houses im really drinking ,smoking weed and then passing out at their house .he dosent know that im failing and skipping school .he dosent know i cry myself to sleep most nights .and not cause hes a bad parent -just because he's never been a teenage girl .

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i rolled over my bed and groaned ,rubbing my nose into my pillow .taking a sip of water ,i checked my phone and it had blown up -like crazy .

i looked at the time and gasped ."shit ,shit "i muttered as i shot out of bed .i grabbed a pair of baggy black jeans and a baggy hoodie ,quickly brushed my hair and teeth and washed my face and grabbed my backpack .

my dad was at practice and reminded me so many times not to be late for school -i forgot to set my alarm so here i am ,2 hours late and walking as the bus is long gone .

i put my headphones on and put some bob marley on .my music taste is wild .all from taylor swift to the beatles .

i took a spliff and lighter from my pocket and lit it up while i walked .the only way i'm getting through double maths is high .

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i finally arrived 40 minutes later and it was lunch so i only have 2 classes left .i went into the cafeteria and sat down with my friends .

"omg where the fuck have you been ?!"tara gasped .

tara was my best friend,i had many but she was the better one .

"slept in i guess "i shrugged and rubbed my eyes .

"are you high ?"oscar gasped .

oscar was a boy in my friend group .he was ridiculously hot but nothing will happen there i don't think .

"just a lil "i laughed .

"here eat these "evie shoved fries at me .

"drink "she said and threw me a water .

"thanks baby "i winked and snorted .

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by the time i got home i was so fucking tired and just wanted to get in bed .

"dad i'm home !"i shouted and shut the door .

"hey ell"my dad said coming round the corner and hugging me .

"was practice good ?"i asked .

"yeah it was ..can i talk to you about something ell ?"he asked carefully and my heart dropped .hes found my stash .

"y-yeah "i gulped and sat on the couch with him .

he held my hand and inhaled .

"ell i know you love your mom very very much,and i do too and i will always love her forever ..but i do get lonely sometimes  .i know i have you but sometimes i miss having a partner .and i wanted to tell you before it became too serious but ..i have been talking to somebody and i wanted to make sure your okay with it before i take it to another level ." he said .

i actually don't know how i feel about this ...
it would be weird to imagine dad with anyone but mom .but i knew this would happen eventually .and i do want him to be as happy as possible .

"well ..i'll have to approve of her .only the best for my dad "i said and chuckled .

he shook his head smiling .

"of course mom "he said and he both giggled .

"in all seriousness,it will be weird but ..i'll ajust -if your happy i am "i sighed and smiled .

"thanks for being such a grown up ell "he said and kissed my cheek .

"so ..who is she ?"i smirked .

"you'll have to wait until you meet her "he smiled nervously and blushed .

"wow you really like her ,your blushing "i remarked .

"shut up "he laughed and got up kissing my head .

"see you later smella "he said and i groaned audibly .

"stop calling me that !"i laughed .

i got up and went into my room  ,had a shower and got changed .i facetimed my friends for a bit ,had a cigarette and fell asleep cold .

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i am not romanticising smoking or her mindset but i am being realistic as a teenager .