The Road Home

Chapter 6

The rain failed to hamper the busyness of the day as the black limousine wove its way through Los Angeles traffic. Harper thought the weather was fitting as she glanced at her phone and noted the time. 11:45. What she would give to be anywhere but here. The anticipation of the memorial service had her stomach in knots and the closer it got to noon, the sicker she seemed to feel.

As she rode, she stared out the window feeling powerless and overwhelmed at the impending event. She watched as the people on the street scurried under umbrellas to get to one place or another and couldn't help feeling offended. How could they go about their lives as if this day were like every other? Surely, life should stop for everyone. When the paparazzi that had gathered outside the cathedral came into view, she closed her eyes and tried to wish them away. It was a trick her mother had taught her when she was a little girl.

Statler sat quietly across from her. He must have his phone turned off or it would've been ringing continually. The car came to a halt in front of the large building. "Maybe the rain will prevent too many pictures."

Harper slowly opened her eyes and nodded as she watched the raindrops inch down the window leaving streaks as they vanished out of sight. She wished they could wash away the hopelessness this day had brought. Fortunately, the umbrella shielded her from the cameras as she and Statler made their way up the steps of the church.

Once inside, Harper saw her mother's casket at the front of the sanctuary. It was flanked by several large flower arrangements. She trembled as she held tightly to Statler's arm, thankful he was able to be with her.

As she neared the front of the auditorium she saw the picture of her mother that had been placed on top of the casket. Helena beamed as she held an Academy Award. The tiara in her hair and long black sequined dress told Harper the picture had been taken after an awards show.

Afraid she was going to hyperventilate, she took a deep breath and tried to slow her pounding heartbeat. Harper wondered if this could be the beginning of a panic attack as she pushed back her tears and tore her gaze from her mother's casket. Her legs felt heavy and were difficult to move as the dizziness set in.

"What do you need?" Statler asked.

"I need to sit down," she uttered, breathlessly. Thinking she was going faint, she took advantage of the nearest pew. She stared at the floor and tried to catch her breath.

"Harper." A man quickly sat down in front of her. "My name is Charles Tate. I'm with Entertainment Monthly magazine."

"Excuse me?" Statler interrupted the reporter. Harper couldn't tell if he was more embarrassed or surprised this was happening. "How did you get in here?"

"I just want to ask a few questions." Charles didn't take his eyes off Harper. He was here for a story and the look on his face confirmed he was going to get it. "What are you feeling at this very moment?"

"Security!" Statler shouted towards the lobby, his voice echoing throughout the large auditorium. He turned to the reporter. "You need to leave immediately."

Two large men quickly bustled down the aisle. They forcefully assisted the man to the lobby ignoring his threats to press charges. The man's hollering quieted as he was taken out the double doors of the cathedral.

Harper shook her head. She wasn't surprised. No peace even in the confines of a sanctuary.

"I'm sorry," Statler apologized. "I don't know how that happened."

"Empty." The small word took too much effort.

Statler leaned in closer. "What, dear?"

"That's what I'm feeling." Harper stared at the coffin. Her thoughts moved rapidly. Why? That was the question that haunted her. Why would her mother do this? She wanted to shout, scream, and demand an answer. Why did this happen? Why did she choose to do this horrible thing? Why? Was her life that unbearable? And why didn't she see this coming? Could she have stopped it? She wondered if the fact that their relationship was volatile in the first place made it harder or easier for her to accept. Why couldn't she at least have had the chance to make things right with her mother? She had so many unanswered questions and wondered how she would ever live with them. Her eyes moved to the picture.

"How could you do this?" Harper mouthed, shuddering as a chill climbed up her back. "You're my mother." She glared at the coffin. Her despair turned to rage as the thought of her mother's selfishness staked its claim to her heart. She would never be here again. Never be here to talk to or to laugh with. Never be a phone call away. Harper swallowed hard as that reality sank in. She had always thought they would work things out; always hoped her mother would need her eventually. She was certain in time her mother would apologize for shutting her out of her life. She had waited for that day, expected it. But now that day was gone. Her mother was gone. Helena hadn't cared about anyone, except herself. She hated her for what she had done. Hated her for this terrible decision. Hated her for making her go through this. She quickly shook her head and tried to calm herself.

Harper scanned the room and noticed a couple of her mother's neighbors, but no one from the business. She knew her uncle wouldn't come. He and Helena hadn't spoken in years. However, she expected to see Alton, her mother's personal assistant for the past twenty-three years and it was then she heard him. Looking over her shoulder she saw him coming down the aisle with his sister. He was hysterical.

She quickly went to him. His eyes were red and drawn. He appeared to have lost a considerable amount of weight and the fact that he hadn't slept much in the last two weeks was evident.

"Oh, Harper!" Alton sobbed. "How could this happen? How could this happen to her?"

"He's been like this ever since he found her." His sister said as she looked at Harper.

"He found her?" Harper asked, the words making her stomach turn.

The woman nodded. She wiped a tear of her own as Alton continued to cry, "How could this happen?"

Harper didn't speak. She knew how it happened. The business had driven her mother mad with envy and rage. Every role she didn't get scarred her even deeper. She had found her happiness in her accolades and once they started to dwindle, so did her own self-worth. Harper thought of her own celebrity status and how her mother had grown more distant as Harper achieved each award. The doors of the church caught her eye and for a second she considered leaving until she saw the priest enter the room.

"I can't believe this," Alton wailed. "I just can't believe it."

~

Harper watched Los Angeles grow smaller out the window of the plane. She had decided against Statler's advice to stay in LA even though he had informed her of a clause in her contract that would give her time off to grieve. There was no use in staying. She didn't want to be alone to rehash painful memories. She still had a few weeks before her album was released which meant a few weeks to rest and she could try to do it in South Dakota just as easily as she could here. She thumbed through her wallet and found the Professor's card but not wanting to talk, texted him that she was on her way back.

A noon memorial and back in the air by three. It had to be a record. She tried not to think about her mother and poor Alton but wondered what he would do now that his life didn't consist of caring for her. She had talked to Statler before she left and made sure Alton would be financially cared for in case her mother hadn't included him in her Will. He would be so lost without her. She was just about to drift to sleep when her phone vibrated. She picked it up and read the text message from the professor: "Saturday at 1:00 ok?" She texted back that it was, and then closed her eyes, and longed for sleep.