The room was still pitch black and my sister was still asleep next to me.It was my room , my table was in the same position with the books scrambled in all directions. The closest is still closed. Nothing to worry it's just that my eyes were opened but feels like it's closed and I was unable to lift a finger. I was feeling kinda thirsty but my body couldn't move .
And I know what it was , I have been through this before last time the thing, I don't know how to describe it but it was horrifying, it was near the window. So I looked at the window and there was nothing. Then I looked at the ceiling, nothing there too . And the door to my room was still closed.
So yea maybe there won't be anything this time or it may come from the ground.
I looked at my table again sure it is messy but was it this much?
And then it clicked suddenly the colour of my walls changed the small table was now replaced with my old one and on the chair , there was somebody sitting busy writing something. It was a girl whose physique looked rather familiar. Her face wasn't clearer as she was not facing me but I recognised those unruly black locks any where , it was me . And I was writing my journal. The journal that started as an escapism but ended as a whole suicide note. I was terrified , because this was worse than any terrifying creature, the past I am scared to look back was sitting right infront of me slowly turning back towards me and at last we made eye contact.
I was expecting her face with more eyes or eyes filled with blood maybe with a murderous intent like those creepy ghost from horror movies but it was terrifying than any ghost her eyes weren't creepy they were tired and they were looking for answers, asking questions that I cannot have answers.
She was me somehow I can tell that she was 16 years old but she looked like a child I don't know how to explain that she was 16 years old but smaller, shorter like a child. Her hair was unruly and tangled, I can tell it has not been brushed for days . Her face were red with tear marks and she looked even thinner.
It was like traveling back to past and meeting your old self but instead of saying "Hang in there" or " It gets better" the only thing I could say was "sorry" . " I am sorry for doing this to you" , " I am sorry for hurting you" . But these words won't come out of my mouth the only thing I could utter was a pathetic "sorry".
She heard it and asked me why ? , without opening her mouth.
Why ?
I don't know?
Then the colour of my walls changed and there was another me head down , hugging her legs and she was even younger maybe 12 or 11 , then the 16 year old me asked me again why mouth still closed.
Why ? , that was something I asked myself in the past and I still don't have an answer so I tried to hold her hands ...." because.." and felt a sharp pain in my hands .
I looked down there was nothing and then I looked at her hands , it was covered with cuts blood dripping. I have never felt the pain when I did this to myself, but now I did and I get how cruel I was to myself.This was me I did that to her , to myself.
I wanted to hug her but strangely enough the distance between us was long, there was something between us stopping me from reaching her.
And now she has a scissors in her hand , and that blood dripping hand slowly started to cut her hair off . I was screaming her to stop but my voice was not clear it was like I was under water and I suddenly started to suffocate my whole body started to shake but she was still going cutting those lustrous locks strand by strand while looking directly at me searching for answers.
It was terrifying, but it was also the first time I woke up without trying to wake up ,I wanted to beg for her forgiveness, I woke up crying and my sister was still sleeping soundly next to me.
