QAIS

Chapter 29: Secrets and Securities

The sound of wings thrashing echoed in the room. She watched the feathers fall as the bird flew into one wall and another almost hysterically.

The room was warmed by candles against the cold wind out the open door. Hopelessly, the bird seemed to be afraid both of the fire below and the killing snow outside. The girl watched the sinewy feathers fall as it thrashed all around.

She vigorously reached for it to calm it but in vain. It fluttered against the ceilings and walls searching for some other escape. It was too scared. Unable to reach her the maiden turned to save the falling feathers as they fell onto the candles burning into wisps.

The little sparrow staggered and cried, exhausting by the moment as it lost both feathers and strength. As it fluttered frantically to keep itself from falling into the heat below it used the last of its energy towards the door.

The girl cried out to it. Too late. It flew, falling and raising, limping towards the killing snow outside thinking it was safer than the warmth inside.

But only a gust of sharp wind and it realized it had lost so much feathers there was nothing to keep it warm. And the cold took no mercy on her little self. It knocked her in it's chilling clashes until she fell to the frozen ground, broken as if made of clay.

A cry of horror and grief emanated the girl as she saw the sparrow fall. The gilded feathers were turned into withered shards, what remained were rotting flesh and broken bones. And amid that small, frail ribcage laid a tiny ghastly heart... still beating.

She jolted in bed, breathing heavy. Almost instantly her gaze fell to her hands, as if anticipating them stained with the bird's blood.

Her heart calmed when she saw no blood but then her gaze fell on her bandaged wrist. And it was like someone had hit her with a truckfull of reality. Tears fell from her eyes as she realized that it was her. The sparrow that had sinfully lost hope and paid for it.

If only it had given the warmth a chance. If only it hadn't gotten scared by the towering shadows of that small flickering flame.

What had she done? What had she almost done?

How could she lose hope in Him? How could she stop believing in Him without even calling out to him once? How easily did she give up?

And it was like the threads that had been keeping the broken parts of her heart together loosened altogether, letting out all the small shards it had desperately held inside. In the empty, dark room, she let her stifled cries lose. The sobs that were killing her to hold back she finally let escape. And she pleaded for forgiveness.

It was one of those nights where the ghosts of the castle chased his sleep away. He found himself in the balcony of his room, undeterred by the falling snow against his sheer cotton shirt. The only thing keeping him warm was the heat from his burning cigar, and the empty bottle of liquor lying amid his scattered officework.

He gazed at her closed curtains like some dreamer would gaze at a moon hiding behind clouds. He wished he could see her to make the gnawing night go faster but he'd promised her he'd stay away. Even if it killed him every waking hour, he'd wait for her.

But it was as if the heaven heard his prayers because all of a sudden the curtains of her windows were shuffled away and there she was.

His hand slipped off the rail in surprise and he quickly straightened. He would never be able to overcome how his heart would skip a beat at the sight of her. He supposed it was something he just had to learn to live with.

All of the stars from the sky had suddenly migrated to the ocean in his eyes. They followed her breathlessly through the glass windows like a child after his first butterfly.