If I Stay - Niall Fic

Part 1

*This story is base on the book If I Stay by Gayle Forman.

The pounding in my head keeps getting louder and louder with each passing second. I can even hear it over the blaring music that's playing in the background. I've been trying to forget about the constant throbbing in my head by focusing on the sound that vibrates the club. After only a few seconds of listening, I come to the conclusion that it's some sort of Rihanna club remix.

Nothing is making the nagging pain in my head disappear. Not even all of the alcohol I've recently drank. How many shots have I taken, anyways? It has to be around six or seven. After I had bought myself two shots, Eva stepped in and, being the best friend that she is, continued to buy me shot after shot. After the fourth one I didn't even know what I was drinking anymore, all I knew was that it was going to make the endless aching in my body vanish. That's what I had hoped for, at least. But right now that wasn't the case, and I still can't tear my thoughts away from what happened.

I know Eva's getting bored with me and soon she disappears into the crowd. I don't really care; I need some alone time. I close my eyes and bring my hands up to my temples. I thought coming here would take my mind off of things, but as of right now it's only making them worse. All of a sudden I feel someone slide in next to me and wrap their strong arms around me.

"Hey pretty girl." Whispers a husky voice in my ear. I don't even need to open my eyes to see who it is.

"Go away Harry, I'm not in the mood." My voice drips with annoyance. The last thing I need right now is to be having a conversation with Harry.

"Oh come on Luce, lighten up a bit. Have a little fun for once." I open my eyes and look straight into his deep, green eyes. I immediately look away and focus my attention on the crowd in front of me. I've never been one to fall for Harry's charm, and that wasn't going to change now.

"Don't ever call me that again." I roughly push his arms off of me and stand up abruptly. I let myself get lost in the sweaty, energetic, drunken cluster of people dancing all around me. I sift through the crowd until I finally find the exit. I push open the door and let the chilly London air smother me.

I'm finally starting to feel the effects of everything I've drank, and I grab hold of the nearest railing as everything around me starts to spin. Thousands of thoughts race through my mind but there's one that stands out the most. I debate on whether or not to call him. If I were sober right now I wouldn't even be contemplating it, but I'm not thinking straight and it seems like a fairly logical thing to do.

I slide my butt down onto the cold, stiff ground and rest my back against the railing. I pull my phone from my pocket; the dim light on the screen lighting up as 23:48. I take a deep breath and press the speed dial and then quickly hit 'send'. I shakily lift the phone up to my ear and wait as it rings. Once. Twice. Three times.

By the fourth ring, he picks up, but it seems like forever until I hear his voice.

"Hello?" He sounds groggy and faraway, but I can still hear the heavy Irish accent pouring through the speaker.

That voice. There's something about that voice that stirs a feeling deep inside of me. It's like every thought in my mind is washed away, every doubt reassured, and every question somehow answered. My mind flashes back to the first time that his uneven, yet musical voice flooded my ears. I remember thinking then how I had never heard anything quite like it before. Even to this day, nothing compares to his toxic, melodic tone.

"Lucy?" I snap back into reality with a gasp. He sounds a bit more alert now, and is undoubtedly waiting for me to say something. But what is there to say? For the past week I've done nothing but discipline myself to overcome any desire to speak with him. So the fact that I'm going against my prior restraint isn't making much sense at all. 

"Niallll." I can hear the unsteady drawling of my voice, but I can't gain any control over it. As soon as the sound comes out of my mouth I regret it. I wonder if he knows I've been drinking, and what he's thinking if he does.

"What are you doing?" He replies in an agitated tone. I close my eyes and imagine him scrunching up his face while trying to figure out why the hell I'm calling him.

"Don't you love me?" The words come out before I even know what they are. It's quite apparent that I'm not even coherent enough to filter out my words, let alone understand what I'm even saying. I can tell that he's as taken aback as I am because there's a lengthy pause before he speaks again.

"Lucy, have you been drinking?" I could've guessed that he would dodge my question, but it somehow still surprises me.

Without even giving me so much as a chance to reply, he harshly spits out "I'm not in the mood to deal with this shit right now." Straight and to the point.

I open my mouth to say something to him, anything at all, but before the words leave my mouth I hear the abrupt click of him hanging up on me. I sit that way for a while, my mouth wide open with the phone held up to my ear, trying to wrap my brain around what just happened. If it were any other day it wouldn't have mattered, but it isn't just any other day. It's the day of our would've-been one year anniversary.

A cold gust of wind revives me from my dumbfounded state, and I stand up as fast as possible. I begin to walk; I don't know where I'm going yet, but I know for sure that I'm not going back into the club. I need some peace and quiet to think.

The street is barren as I slowly walk along the sidewalk. I feel stung. Not only by the numbing air that's biting at my uncovered face, but also by the unusually harsh conversation with Niall. Granted, we haven't exactly spoken in a while, but in my intoxicated state I pictured it going better than it had. But evidently I was wrong.

Tears sting my eyes as the disturbing reality sinks in. I ferociously wipe away at the freezing tears rolling down my cheeks. Before crossing the street at the stoplight, I take a deep breath in hopes of regaining at least some sort of composure. Just then the 'walk' signal turns on and I make my way across the street. I sense a hazy, blurred commotion and the last thing I see as I turn my head is the blindingly bright lights of the roaring vehicle that crashes into me.