If I Stay - Niall Fic

Part 5

Present Time

I can't sit in this room anymore. It's so ghostly and empty and quiet and lonely and I can't handle it anymore. The nurse comes in from time to time, but she's the only one. She hasn't said anything else since she informed me on the big decision but she always carries a certain look on her face. A look that says 'what are you waiting for?' 

To be honest I don't know what I'm waiting for. I keep hoping that something will happen, that something will change my mind. I can't wait forever though; sooner or later I'll need to make up my mind.

I shake the thought from my head and leave to go wander the hallways. It feels strange knowing that all of these doctors and nurses are so worried about the state of my body, yet I'm here, walking amidst them, and suddenly I'm not so important anymore.

But I walk. I walk past open doors with laughter streaming out, past visitors with flowers and balloons, past doctors clutching their coffees, past nurses gossiping. I keep walking until suddenly I find myself in the waiting room. And now I stop. I stop because he's here, and he's sitting right in front of me.

12 Months Ago

"There you go." Eva says as she finishes zipping up the back of my dress.

"Do I look alright?" I try to hide my nerves.

"Alright? Lucy you look fuckin' hot!" I can't tell if that's a good thing or not, considering the source.

"Wait, are you...nervous?" She's holding back laughter and I just want to melt into the floor. I'm a complete wreck right now. My palms are sweaty and my mouth is dry and I feel like I'm going to throw up everywhere.

"N-no." That wasn't as convincing as I was hoping for.

"Oh my god you are. You look like you're gonna shit yourself!" She's laughing now, and not holding anything back. "Why the hell are you nervous? You've practically spent everyday of the last month with him and you've been fine. So what's so different now?"

Everything. Everything is different now. The past month has been fun, meaningless fun. But this is different and I want to slap myself across the face for caring so much.

"I just, I don't know. I guess I haven't had a proper date in a while...or ever, really. It's always been drunken nights at clubs and sneaking back home at dawn and texts at two in the morning- never anything, like, serious." It's the truth. I've never once had a boyfriend, not that I've wanted one. I've always been good at finding the right kinds of guys; the ones who don't even know that something more than just one night stands exist. And if I did happen to come across someone who wanted something more, I always had an excuse, always had a reason to run away. And it always worked.

"And that is the reason we're friends." Eva says with a wink, and it helps lighten the mood; I can feel my shoulders relaxing and my breathing slowing down.

But the nagging feeling deep inside of me still doesn't go away. It's been there for the past month, getting stronger and stronger whenever I see Niall's name on my phone, or when I catch myself staring into those blue eyes again. It's a feeling that I know is right, but I can't bring myself to admit it. Because if I admit it, then this all ends. And I'm not ready for it to end yet.

                                        .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

After twenty minutes of creepy alleys and the fear of the cab driver getting us lost, I finally arrive at the doorstep of Niall's flat. Through the dim glow of the street lights I can make out the orange bricks and the large white door. Taking a deep breath, I walk up the three small steps and knock on the door.