Eternal Sins

•Chapter Twenty•

It was so hard to speak. Her throat itched, her nails digging to relieve the rash right under her skin. She had so many words and no where to shout them.

Ben had disappeared for three weeks and counting, Cedris and Henry at his side as an official royal appearance.

The warmth in her that spread realizing Ben had willfully traveled with Cedris quickly became stomped by the realization they would be alone without her. Without her interjection, her skin between them to keep gaurd from their weapons and ready to fire knuckles.

Not being able to know their thoughts after their joined evening in Ben's bed was ruining her. Her nails and skin on her fingers were bitten down to bone and blood. There was a constant spark lingering on the edge of her touch, shoulders rigid even in her sleep.

Before, she had found so much rest in their absence, as if they were a nuisance. But now her last string of sanity was away with them, miles away from her while she was locked up in the castle, away from the action.

She spent most of her time with Cordelia, whom caught on to her discomfort easily.

"Are you getting better, Eva? You look..." Cordelia shakes her head, trying to sigh away her real thoughts. That Eva looked terrible, withdrawn from her body, a tide yanking her light farther and farther from her shore.

"It's just really difficult having them-him away right now." She was as honest as she could be, slipping up easily, her mind on a constant loop. Cedris' fingers wrapped over hers, holding his ring onto her hand, the one she threw at him. Ben's accusatory gaze the moment he returned with Cordelia. Both men envious, burning inside just as she was now.

Cordelia purses her lips, debating on how to react. Theres a loud sigh, not from Eva's chest but Cordelia's, as she sets her cup of coffee down.

The two had been sitting in the library, a safe place for Eva, a place where there were warm memories of Ben. From a time before everything began to roll in a downward spiral that had her where she was now; desperate and aching in her soul for a spark. For anything to remind her she was alive, that she was familiar with anything aside from dulling darkness.

"I know, Eva. Henry and I both know."

Eva's eyes shoot up to her, wide with fear. Then came the wash of defeat. Of course they knew, Henry was Ben's best friend. Maybe Eva would have even told Cordelia if she had any sense of care anymore. But all of that was lost, compressed, unworthy of her energy. She had so little now.

"Know what?" She questions, eyes falling down to her fingers picking at the scabs that had begun to heal over night.

"You love them both," Cordelia says simply, "and they are not the sharing type."

Eva almost laughs. "I only love Ben."

"But not Cedris?" Cordelia questions this honestly, "Henry gave me the impression that you did."

Henry? Eva shakes her head. Her denial was still so strong.

A crack, a spider web spreading through her core. Cold flushes her stomach. It hurt her, having to still lie. Lying took so much energy now.

She stutters, a tear escaping that she's numb to, "I think..." her tongue feels like lead in her mouth. She can't say it. She can't let anyone know the truth, not this. Then it becomes real, then it becomes a problem.

But it was already a problem, their problem, wasn't it?

"Yes." She shuts her jaw hard, wincing.