Teen Helpline [#1 of the Helpline Trilogy]

12: 11 p.m

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"Hello there, this is Teen Confessions Helpline, what's the problem? Feel free to confess anything you like and we'll be there to-"

"I swear, it's like you smoked cocaine before you go on one of these things. Nobody could just sound that happy answering phone calls for a helpline, listening to pathetic teenagers splurge out their infinitesimal woes about things that never matter anyways."

"Might I remind you that you were one of those, to quote, 'pathetic teenagers splurging out their infinitesimal woes'?"

"Me killing myself isn't going to make the cover of the newspaper. I'm not deluded enough to think I'm that important."

"Jeez, Mr Fanceh...way to butter up your self-esteem."

"What? It's the truth."

"You're too young to be that cynical."

"I'm a teenager, Eva, I'm never too young to be cynical."

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"Me too! And I'm not a cynic. I think things would get better, no matter how bad they are. There are so may things worth living for...pizza, chocolate, Harry Potter..."

"Harry Potter's over."

"NOT FOR ME! HOW DARE YOU, YOU BASTARD."

"You're a fan of Harry Potter? Isn't that, like, books for children?"

"I've never been so offended in my life! If you don't kill yourself, I will!"

"I'm sorry...I just never got into it."

"I'm going to read you Harry Potter."

"Wait, what do you mean? Hello? Eva? Are you there? Eva?!"

"I'm here! I just gone to go get something..."

"What?"

"The thing that's worth living for. Ahem. Um...urgh..."

"Awful lot of phelgm."

"Shut up and listen: 'Mr and Mrs Dursley, of Number Four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much..."

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