Keep Holding On

chapter 21

a/n: mentions of drug addiction

Molly's phone rang, and Emily's name flashed on the screen. She took a deep breath before answering, sensing that this call had something to do with Spencer. He wasn't picking up her phone calls. 

Emily's voice confirmed her fears, and Molly's heart sank. She told her to get into Quantico right away but didn't say why. 

Spencer was in Mexico, a trip she knew about, but his sudden silence and the urgency of Emily's call signaled trouble.

As Molly drove to the BAU, she couldn't shake off the gnawing worry. Spencer hadn't answered her calls for hours, and the possibility of something going wrong haunted her thoughts. She tried to attribute it to a poor signal, but deep down, she feared the worst.

Upon reaching the BAU, Molly was greeted by Garcia, who tried to offer a comforting hug. The tension in the air was palpable, and Molly's anxiety heightened. 

She needed answers, and Garcia guided her to the conference room where the rest of the team awaited.

The atmosphere was heavy with concern as Molly entered the room. Her eyes darted between each team member, desperately seeking information. She was aware that, as not a member of the team, she might not get all the details immediately. Still, she was determined to seek all the answers.

"Sit down, Molly," Emily said gently, recognizing Molly's anxiety.

Molly didn't waste a moment. "What's wrong? Please, just tell me everything," she implored, her eyes locking onto Emily's, searching for the truth. The weight of the unknown pressed on her, and she needed to understand the situation, no matter how harsh or difficult it might be.

Emily took the lead, preparing her for the news. "Spencer is in jail in Mexico," she stated bluntly.

"What? How?" Molly's eyes widened in shock.

"Did you know he was in Mexico?" Rossi asked. Molly hesitated, her face revealing that she did.

"So you knew, and you didn't tell anyone?" Rossi pointed out.

"Of course, I knew! And why would I tell you? You're his friends. If he wanted to, he'd tell you! He clearly didn't!" Molly snapped, frustration bubbling to the surface. "Why does that matter right now? Why is he in jail? It must be a misunderstanding."

The room fell silent as the team exchanged glances. Emily decided to break the news. "He was chased by the police and had a significant amount of drugs with him."

Molly's anger surged. "What drugs?"

Again, the room fell into an uneasy silence.

"Come on, just tell me. I'm an adult," Molly demanded.

"Molly... Spencer struggled with stuff in the past..." JJ started to explain cautiously.

Molly interrupted, her patience waning, "Hold up. Wait a second. Are you really going to tell me the details of my boyfriend's past struggles right now? You guys think I don't know? That he didn't tell me?"

JJ attempted to explain, "It's not like that. It... just was a long time ago, and we didn't know if he ever told you about this part of his life..."

Molly's frustration turned into anger. Spencer was somewhere alone, lost, possibly framed, and they were giving her a pep talk about his past.

"I know everything, okay? Do not worry about that, Jennifer. Also, they weren't his drugs! They couldn't be. It must be a misunderstanding," Molly asserted.

The team wasn't entirely convinced by her statement. Emily expressed her concerns, "Molly, we can't rule out..."

"Rule out what? Are you serious? You think he went to Mexico to get high or something?" Molly retorted, her frustration evident.

JJ intervened, "We're not saying that. Just given his past, we can't..."

"Yes, we can. He's clean. I know he's clean," Molly insisted, her anger escalating.

The team remained skeptical, and JJ added, "I also don't think he'd do that again..."

"You're right. He wouldn't," Molly affirmed, frustration seeping into her tone.

Molly found herself at the intersection of frustration and anger. In the tense atmosphere of the BAU conference room, she couldn't escape the nagging feeling that her relationship with Spencer wasn't accorded the gravity it deserved.

Though she understood the skepticism, especially considering the history of relationships within the BAU, it didn't alter the profound connection she shared with Spencer. 

They were a partnership rooted in transparency, a bond strengthened by the raw openness of each other's most hidden desires, anxieties, and wounds from the past.

The irony struck her - his supposed family, the BAU team, had remained largely silent a decade ago when Spencer needed them the most. They continue to treat him with a hint of paternalistic condescension. They continue to view him as if he were a perpetual child even though he was well into his mid-thirties. Molly became quite enraged because of this dynamic and the suggestion that Spencer might be turning back to his previous vices.

Fury coursed through her veins as she ruminated on the team's obliviousness to Spencer's true self. They remained blissfully unaware of the complexities of his personality and how she understood Spencer intimately.

Despite the relatively short time they had known each other, she was aware of every detail of his life. 

From the bullies of his past to the girls he once had a crush on, she knew his innermost thoughts. She understood the nuances of his emotions, from his feelings for Maeve and his initial feelings for JJ when she first joined the team, to his relationship with Ethan and with Elle.

She knew about Lila. She was for him every night and every day after Hotch left and then Derek.

Molly witnessed how others hurt him, often disregarding his feelings with mockery or casual dismissals. She understood the complexity of his childhood, the challenges he faced, and the weight of his mother's illness.

In the end, Spencer confided in her about his deepest struggles and vulnerabilities, making her the sole keeper of the many facets that composed the tangled mosaic of his life. Even as those who claimed to be his friends remained unaware, Molly held a comprehensive understanding of Spencer's journey because he chose to share it with her.

The team, she realized, had failed and still fails to comprehend Spencer's journey - the traumas, the triumphs, and the complex tapestry of his life. They hadn't witnessed the loneliness that consumes him, the void left by those who had abandoned him. 

People who professed to be his friends remained oblivious to the depth of his experiences, and unaware that he had shared his innermost struggles with her.

In the face of their doubt and skepticism, Molly stood as a bastion of unwavering faith in Spencer. 

As the team pondered the possibility of his relapse, she burned with anger. They didn't comprehend the resilience he had displayed, the battles he had fought, or the victories he had achieved.

The BAU team, oblivious to the wealth of knowledge Molly held, were merely spectators in Spencer's life. Molly found solace in the knowledge that she, unlike them, truly knew the man Spencer is. To them, he was a young kid who not too long ago was not taken seriously in the field. He was just a genius, and they found great utility in his skills.

Despite being his family, his friends, they now sat there, doubting him and underestimating the strength of their bond.

"He is sober. I know about Mexico. He goes there every few months to get medicine for his mom. It's not completely illegal, but it's easier to get there. He can't use his work passport because of that. It's the only thing that helps Diana. That's why he went. I don't know what happened. He wasn't answering my phone calls for a few hours. I just assumed it was a signal issue. This is a misunderstanding. He didn't do anything wrong. It's Spencer, for God's sake," Molly declared, defending her boyfriend vehemently.