Smiling at Grief

The sound rolled in the distance, its undulating waves crashing hard upon the jagged teeth of the shore. The amber sun crawled back to its perch behind the horizon, and a blanket of dark clouds rolled over Illyria and out to sea, out to where Sebastian's eyes dare not follow. He turned away from the window in the study, back to his business affairs on the table. Sebastian didn't mind being stranded there the rest of his days, not when he had such good company in his keep. The sea bared no more ventures for him, not since the day of black reckoning that had threatened to pull him under, but God had granted his family a scheme of bizarre providence. His sister was alive, and content with the duke she had been in the pretense of service to. For Sebastian himself, he found a bride and a country to call home. Therefore, he had no purpose to question the grace that he was given, and he could feel its tender glow over his shoulder as Olivia entered the room.

"How now, my love?" He grinned, rising from his chair to meet her. Olivia beamed, but she bared an anxious countenance, causing his stride to falter.

"Is something the matter?" Sebastian inquired, knitting his brow. Olivia sighed and pulled him near, embracing her husband tightly, the words pressing against her chest as she struggled to gather her thoughts. Olivia then pulled away, hesitated, then looked up at Sebastian with careful eyes.

"Do you recall the day we met? How we met?" She asked nervously. Sebastian chuckled. She asked it if they had a lifetime of memories to share. He thought this beyond ironic, but her soft voice, as open as her nature, drew him in.

"Of course, my dear. A month, hence, it still seems wondrous strange. A day forever earmarked in my epitaph," Sebastian replied, but Olivia bit back a grimace as the thought rose to meet her.

"That's what I'm apprehensive about," She said, clasping her hands. A hesitation had been building within Olivia, trembling in her subconscious. She, the orb weaver, had thrown but a gossamer thread upon this man, desperate not to let go. However, there was something that longed to lay to rest, but had been wary to rise till now. She withdrew, and her gaze broke from his, darting toward the window.

"Well, it's not for me to really say," Olivia began, hugging her arms, "But my reason has persisted to no avail to dissuade these thoughts."

"Then tell me." Sebastian implored. Olivia turned to face him, trying to suppress a frown, and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Sebastian, I feel there's so much left uncovered between us. Now that I've put those circumstances into perspective, what with the confusion between you and your sister, I sense as if there's a gray area in our thoughts, a field we haven't crossed together. Yes, we've had all this time to know each other, but my disposition is colored lighter than it once was when I met you."

"How so, fair Olivia? What other colors does your banner wave? Listen, I understand your want of feeling and for this to make sense, but are you not happy?" Sebastian inquired, touching her cheek. She pulled away again, the frown manifesting as she averted her eyes once more.

"I gave myself away, after the death of my brother, and submitted to the reign of dark and injudicious thoughts for many years. I know now how foolish I was in my conduct, and I know why I pursued you; in my confusion, I was bound to Cesario's attention, Cesario's affection, but he was your sister, so why did you play along? Why, in your haste, did you spur to marriage having only been in Illyria half a day? I've ne'er been able to afford a straight answer from you, Sebastian, and I've worried such to a degree of madness. If I don't know you now, I know not where to go with you from here." Sebastian stepped back, his mouth slightly agape, but before he could answer, a commotion was heard at the front door — Duke Orsino and Duchess Viola had arrived. They scarce had a chance to continue their conversation before the duke called them over to dine for that evening. Sebastian made a quick apology to his wife and heeded the call; Olivia sulked, floating in her apathy and frustration, following after him down to the dining hall.