Chapter 9
Debt
The conversation with Torai was an opportunity to awaken the half - sleep desire . Actually , I wasn't sure until I listened to him . Do I really want to do this ? It's probably because of the weight of the past that still stands in the way .
Can I do what I want now ? 🥺
I figured that I wouldn't know if I really wanted it until I unlocked it first . However , when i faced the reality that if I did not pass this audition I would be cut off from the company. The sincerity that I had not tried hard enough came to mind, along with the guilt. Fatigue and anxiety rose. I didn't want to lose this job . He just said that the company will cut me off , but the words behind that were so he doesn't want me to be in front of other people, he'll probably use his hands to prevent anything else .
I couldn't even react properly . But another reason for cutting me off is obvious . There is no product value, but I have no talent . If i want to do it , i don't just have to do it . I'm a coward who can't even come up with a rebuttal that should have come out easily .
Knowing that I'm not capable of doing something i want to do is the same as having to feel frustrated every time i do it . A piercing sense of reality that I can never get close to what I want . I found out what i like to do late , but now i realise that it doesn't immediately lead to happiness .
Flip .
I turned over the script and looked at the lines I had seen hundreds of times . The letters that were seen with desperation were now reflected in a different form . Slowly muttering lines in my mouth , i suddenly remembered the movie PD Jung had filmed . The main character got to do what he wanted to do , but realised that he lacked talent .
It wasn't my role , so I wasn't interested and it was a role I didn't understand . I didn't know why i was so desperate . My worries were just ridiculous . However , that statement did not apply when I became a party . Right now , I feel deeply in my heart how much courage it takes to just do what I want to do . I opened my mouth and read the lines over and over as if seeing it for the first time . In a loud voice , as if suppressing the fear that there might be things that just effort alone might not do .
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From the next day on , the script did not fall out of my hand . Even before that , I continued to carry it around , but like a person preparing for an exam , I read and memorised the lines while eating and in the car . So all of a sudden , my mind seems to have already been filled with the situation in the play . When I got an unexpected phone call , I unknowingly accepted it . The first contact was the good impression .
「 Have you been discharged ? Are you all right ? 」
After the play was over , the manager called me to stop by , so the place where I am now was the company . But the manager who called me was busy with work , so he left to talk the next day , and only Hansoo was opposite me . I was practicing acting while playing opposite roles with Hansoo .
" What's going on ? "
When asked from the main point , he smiled dejectedly as if i knew that he would , and hesitated a bit .
「 Actually , I did one thing you wouldn't like . 」
" What ? "
「 ... 」
「 That's right , even if you've been trying to hide your phone number from Kevin , maybe it's because you've had a hard time getting caught by his father , and when Kevin rushes to America , you feel reassured . So I can't think of anyone else ....... 」
He blurted out again . While waiting for my words , when I heard the news that Kevin had gone to America , I suddenly remembered the text that Torai had sent to meet the two of them .
