Love In Carnage

Ch. 16

AMAYA

Today is finally the day...

The day...

Were...

I...

Marry...

My Usagi.

Today is my wedding day, and I'm feeling an internal panic. I've triple-checked everything from the food to security, decorations, and reception. I haven't taken my pills or smoked in three days, which is quite irritating. I haven't seen Takeshi since our video call last night. He was nervous, but as a member of the Yakuza, he only shows his vulnerability to me and his family. At the moment, Choi and his team are working on my makeup, hair, and nails, while Mrs. Cheng handles the dresses.

There are too many people in the room, too many hands on me, too many voices all at once, and my head is about to explode. I've felt this way since waking up, and the headaches and anxiety aren't helping.

My phone rang. "Oh, it is Takeshi," Haru said.

I tried to reach for my phone, but all the women and Choi stopped me, shouting that it is bad luck to see him, but I was about to blow, and he was the only one who can calm me down at this point.

"If I don't get to my phone, he is going to break that door down or I am going to lose it," I said calmly as I looked at them. Haru seemed to understand what I was going through and gave me my phone. I went to the bathroom and answered the phone.

"Usagi," I said in a small voice. Sometimes I did not recognize the person I am when I was with him, he made me vulnerable and soft, but I like showing my weakness to him as he shows me his.

"Sakura, are you alright?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

I leaned against the door and slid down to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest. "Honestly, I don't know. I have a headache, and my anxiety is through the roof. It feels like I need to run but I'm stuck, or I want to scream but no sound comes out. I'm worried about everything—what if something goes wrong, or if I mess up, or—" I spoke rapidly and with worry.

"Sakura," he said firmly, "please calm down, you're going to make your headache worse. Do you have your pills?"

"No, I left them in the bag I used yesterday," I replied as my headache intensified, my hands began to tremble, and my breathing quickened.

"Sakura, tell me five things you can see around you," he instructed, and I heard him moving.

Panic set in. "I... I can't," I managed to say as I looked around, my breathing growing shallow.

"What do you mean you can't?" he asked, and I could hear the panic in his voice.

"I can't see anything, it's all black," I said as I moved to a corner to try and see but nothing.

"That far," I heard him whisper, "shit! ok, Sakura, I am on my way just count for 1 to 10, can you do that for me?" he asked as I heard loud footsteps from his side.

1....

All the sounds got pitcher and louder.

2....

All the memories of my team and Mrs. Aizawa being killed played in the void of darkness in a vivid display.

3....

My younger self being whipped for not being able to shoot a sheep.

4......

Silence...

'Thump Thump'

My heartbeat was the only thing I could hear.

5......

'Thump Thump'

It got louder and louder before a sinister laughter joined.

6......

'Amaya' it said before letting out an even more sinister laugh. I knew who it was. It was me, my demon, my true self, the one who fights to the death, the one who does not hold back, the one that would make the devil run away from her.

"Amaya," Takeshi's voice sounded before I felt hands shaking me.

"Amaya," he kept shouting but I could not talk

Until...

"Sakura, please come back to me, please come back," though being far, I could still here his broken tone, "forgive me."

For what???

"BROKEN GLASS ANGEL," He whispered.

With those words spoken, everything turned dark, to the point where I could neither feel nor hear anything. That phrase was one of my triggers, used to either activate or deactivate me during my time in the Army. My eyes snapped open as I took a deep breath. Looking around, I realized Takeshi was holding me close to his chest, and we were on the bathroom floor.

I felt calmer and more relaxed; the headache had dissipated, and the anxiety had lessened. He had used the phrase to reset my brain and control my emotions. Had he not done that, I might have turned our wedding into a catastrophe.

"Usagi," I said weakly, and he looked down at me.

"Sakura, how are you feeling?" he asked, offering a small smile as he wiped away my tears.

"Much better, thank you," I said, closing my eyes to snuggle into him, then smiling slightly.

"I am sorry," he said.

"Why?" I asked, opening my eyes.

"Because I put too much pressure on you, and I used the trigger even though I know you hate it," he admitted, looking down in shame.

I stood up to meet his gaze. "Usagi, look at me," I urged, but he kept his eyes lowered. "Please," I implored, and he finally looked up as I placed my hands on his face.

Smiling, I locked eyes with him. "Do you love me?" I inquired.

"Yes," he responded instantly.

"Am I going to be your wife today?" I asked, beaming.

"Yes," he replied, his own smile mirroring mine.

"Then, with reason, you are allowed to use my codes, as I am yours."

"And I, yours," he declared before sealing our exchange with a kiss. It was a short and innocent kiss, but it felt meant much more.

"Big brother," Haru said from the other side of the room. I smiled before we stood up and waked to the door, I opened it and was immediately attacked by a body that belonged to Haru.

"I did not know what to do, you were screaming and laughing and-," Haru said as tears fell from her eyes.

"It's okay, I'm fine, just a bit disheveled," I joked, and they all chuckled.

"Well, since you're alright, let's get you two lovebirds married," Mrs. Cheng said with a smile.

"Right now, shoo, get out," Choi instructed Takeshi, who placed a kiss on my temple and whispered 'I love you' before leaving.

"Luckily, we started early," Haru commented as she walked me to my chair.

"Oh, right, I was wondering why Takeshi wasn't wearing a shirt and was just walking around in gray sweatpants," I remarked with a chuckle.