All Kimchay Short AUs

ALMOST OVER BUT IT'S NOT

Almost.

It is just a word but to Porchay, 'almost' is like an infinite loop; a never-ending race with himself; a cycle that was on repeat; cycle of him trying to forget, and eventually forgetting how to forget.

Almost.

It took a while and Porchay was almost over him.

Almost.

Almost.

Almost.

But almost is never enough for him. That almost will never be enough for Porchay to forget; to move on from the past; to leave the things that hurt him and go forward.

"Because I hear our songs that it makes me cry."

He's getting there; he's almost there but as he tried to forget, to move on, it's starting to hurt him even more. It's starting to get under his skin; to tear him apart into pieces; to make him feel like trying to forget was like trying to end his life.

And he doesn't want it.

It was as if he's been fooling himself right now. Porchay loves Kimhan so much; so, so much, he felt like he cannot breathe if he would stop loving him. And he doesn't want it. Porchay doesn't want to stop loving Kimhan but it is also hurting him whenever he remembers the things Kimhan did to him.

Why did Kimhan do it? Why did he leave Porchay hanging in the air? Why, instead of saying 'I love you' back he said 'I'm hungry'? Why did he deceive him? Why did he lie? Why didn't Kimhan tried to explain everything to him? Porchay would definitely listen to him.

Hell, Porchay will accept everything about Kimhan. So why did he left him crying that day? And when he was in process of moving on, as Porchay thought he was already moving on, why did Kimhan suddenly appeared right in front of him, inside that bar?

After all these years, Porchay still wanted some answers. And he will get it. He'll make sure Kimhan will explain everything to him. So, he rushed out of his apartment, get inside his car and drove his way to Kimhan's apartment.

***

"I'm almost over you."

Almost.

It was just a word but for Kimhan, it was all the 'what ifs' that has been running on his head for the past few years.

Almost.

It was the love that almost blossomed.

But before the flower bloomed; before its petals open one by one, kissing the sunshine, Kimhan already plucked it; harshly uprooted it from the ground without even batting an eye. Because he doesn't know what love really meant.

He doesn't know what love really is but he is so sure, he felt it. He felt it that time he was making music with Porchay. He felt it when, instead of just being his tutor, they started spending time together. He felt it when those Bambi eyes earnestly looked at him; looked into his soul; look into his heart.

But he doesn't know that was actually love. He doesn't know that Porchay was already giving him the love he didn't knew he deserves. He doesn't know that he was also loving Porchay too much that fear got him. And it was already too late for him to realize it.

What if instead of answering 'I'm hungry' he just said 'I love you too'. What if instead of saying 'I'm sorry' that day Porchay was crying in front of his apartment, he just said 'Yes. Yes, I did.' What if during that time he went to follow him inside the bar, he just calmly talked to Porchay; to tell him the things he should've said on the first place and not letting his jealousy eat him up. What if when he found out Porchay blocked his phone number, he immediately went back to the mansion and ask for forgiveness from Porchay?