Chronicles of the lost

EONS OF DARKNESS

I wake up to the sounds of water dripping down the cave walls and onto my sword. I have been trapped here for a long time; I don't even know how long it has been anymore. Has it been hours? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Maybe even centuries. All I know is that neither my brother nor the 'oh so kind god who saves everyone' have tried to find me. They have left me here to rot... maybe they aren't even alive anymore.I stare at the outside walls I could see and hear everyone who walks by, but they couldn't see me. But even if they did, would they care enough to save me? It seems the Liyue I know is in the past. I don't think people remember me; I am probably just a legend now, maybe even a myth. Who am I? I don't even know myself anymore.

I like to think that I am the mother of two wonderful children, the sister of five wonderful people, a teacher to a young kitsune from Inazuma, and one of Liyue's best protectors. But maybe even that is just all my imagination. I myself have felt my sanity slipping away from me for years now. So much happened in my life, and I have almost nothing to be proud of. Just like when me and him were little, I am trapped again, stripped of the freedom we birds have. But this time not only my wings are missing, but I don't have anything that is even worth fighting for anymore.

I can't even remember my own name or what the faces of my loved ones looked like. All I know is that I can hear their voices every damn day in my mind. Laughing at me. Telling me they are happier without me. Lotus, or that is what I think the girl's name is who looks just like me with a different eye and hair color, tries to assure me every day that I need to fight against the karma that is enveloping me and making me slowly go insane. But at this rate, I think I am already too far gone. I don't think there is anything I can fight for. Just before I got trapped here, it was like the end of the world came. All my siblings fighting each other, all dead now, I am sure. Maybe that is why my brother and God aren't searching for me; they assume I am dead. Well, at this rate, they are right. I am just a shell full of rage and sorrow now.

Nothing like the smart, patient, kind, and sassy warrior that got trapped here. Back then, I thought they would surely find me soon. That I won't stay here forever. After a while, another person who was trapped here approached me, a young adult named Achilles. He was a great and kind man... but he was a vampire, and one time we got into a fight. I killed him, at least I think I did. Well, no matter, he is dead now, and I am all alone in this cave again, waiting for the next hopeless soul to arrive and break their hopes of getting out of here, tell them they are all alone, that I am not real.

Doing those sick things at least makes me feel a bit alive since it makes me feel something, just like picking my skin and hitting the wall till I bleed, and then tasting the sweet metallic taste of blood. I wonder what my brother and son would say if they saw me like this. I bet they would be disgusted, horrified, or they wouldn't even recognize me to begin with and dispose of me. My sweet daughter probably would try to help me, and I would kill her during one of my outbursts again. At this rate, killing myself was better than sitting in this fucking cave. 

EVERY GODDAMN DAY IS THE SAME.EVERYTHING I JUST TOLD YOU HAPPENS EVERY DAY. SO, HEAVEN, IF YOU HEAR THIS OR WHOEVER DOES, JUST KILL ME ALREADY. I BEG OF YOU: PLEASE KILL ME. THIS ISN'T A JOKE; THIS IS A PRAYER TO THOSE ABOVE. 

Once a warrior, now I am just waiting for the day nature finally decides that I am no longer a fun little project for them..."